wzarecky

I was doing great for over a year...... I thought I could do it on my own. I started back with some weed to chill my anxiety and then started drinking and doing pills daily again.... I want to stop so badly but I love the high. I crave crave crave then I give in and feel terrible when I'm drunk/high. Its a lose-lose battle.

Anna

Hi,

I'm sorry you're going through this.

It sounds like you have mixed feelings about quitting, and it's likely to cause you problems. It takes a lot of motivation to stop and to stay stopped. The cravings do lessen with time and as you go through recovery. I hope you decide to stop for good, and if so, you'll find lots of support here.

firestorm090

I know the feeling all too well, wanting a drink so much I would crawl through crap to get it, only then to discover that it didn't help at all, just made the discomfort worse. This is where I am too, uncomfortable in my own skin, yet uncomfortable whenever I try to alter my state of being. Staying away from alcohol helps, but the underlying problems will take time to sort out and deal with. Just start fresh today and keep the jug plugged for this 24.

ToABetterMe11

Im sorry you relapsed, I can understand you all to well. I was clean for 6 months, then summer came & my drinking started, progressed & then took over. I am on day 3 & Its so hard.

Hugs & all the strength to you!

KenL

It is indeed a lose-lose battle. Most of us here have had the relapse thing happen. I have a bunch of times. That's just one of the reasons why it's so easy for us to understand what each other is going through. From that understanding we can offer support. I'm glad you, a fellow MN, have found SR. Keep coming back to read, post and make friends to rely on for continued support.

joedris

I think you said the magic words when you stated that you thought you could do it on your own. Doesn't look like that worked too well, but don't beat yourself up over it. Get some help. I suggest you try AA for starters. Very few of us could do it alone and stay sober for any length of time. I certainly couldn't. But I went to AA out of desperation and have never looked back. The program saved my life and countless others. And it's free - no insurance necessary.

Dee74

Hi Wzarecky
I'm a bit late but welcome to SR.

This is a great place...I came here like you - even tho my life was horrible, and I didn't enjoy any of it even when I was drunk, I didn't want to give it up either.

The people here really supported me and helped me come to the realisation that I was ultimately better off leaving all that behind for good.

I hope we can do the same for you

Keep reading and posting
D

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.

Im thankful that I havent had the
need to go back out since I first
step thru te doors of recovery
19 yrs. ago.

Ive sat thru a many a many
meetings listening to those
who have had a taste of sobriety
to only go back out and return
to share with me that alcohol
and drugs is still alive and well
and kicking azz big time.

Hearing that has kept me from
going back out myself.

Thanks for helping me stay
sober one more day.

tommyk

Congrats on your honesty and admission of your relapse.

Are you doing anything besides just not drinking/using?

I used the 12 step program to manage my anxiety.

My own ESH suggests that you do something different this time around.

And... congrats on that year of sobriety / clean time!

Do it again... and go longer.

Keep coming back.