I know this. I know I need so much help. I keep hoping someone will show up at my door and drag me away to rehab. It sounds lazy, but I feel like I am at the point where I need complete absolute focus only on staying sober. ( but I have no health insurance) I'm trying to live a life where there is no life. Does anyone else do this- the next day you feel fine and you forget all the pain and then boom, you are right back there in hell. Insanity I tell you!