L2L yes time flies!!
I guess I took the same "shortcut" forgiving is not our role, we are not judges or superiors to anybody else so we all will face God 1 on 1 and realize what we do to others we do to ourselves.... and how we have affected others, the good and the bad... so I kind of stopped trying to "forgive" in that sense!!
Somehow I need to take his careless jerk attitude and use it on my favor as in "thank god i woke up in time" but its so difficult, to have an abuser right there laughing "with me" totally oblivious... I am getting more comfortable labeling him as an alcoholic and an abuser.. at least that is who he is for me.
I guess I was on my own denial. These days its just difficult to imagine I can actually dettach when I got this constant exposure to him, to memories, to his new life, walking on eggshells afraid of running into him, but somehow I need to convince myself I did nothing wrong, I have no reason to be hiding or afraid... he cannot hurt me now... I am safe.
Sheesh these mourning stages and waves are a drag. I have been so angry these last days and I am just bottling up everything.
Active alcoholics just don't realize what they do others, I have never been so frustrated, and I was a software programmer so that is saying something!! can't wait to have my own place again and GET A LIFE for the 5th time... can't enroll in sports now as I do not know which gym will be close to my area... sheeshhhhhhhhhhh I am so frustrated right now.
Sorry for the vent and thanks all for being out there, if it weren't for you I'd be insane already