I understand what your saying and it used to really scare me. I am pretty new with 70 odd days under my belt but when i think back at how many times I "relapsed" when trying to quit or had a week in, they are pretty immeasurable....some people say it's a part of recovery, but I don't think so. I think when we are done, we know and we work our da#@est to stay sober, no matter what. Relapse for me is not an option but at the beginning it was all I knew.
~Jade