One day at a time, IWTH, one day at a time. You DO have the strength to get through this, I promise.
When your emotions scream "Make contact" and you feel yourself caving, tell the emotions, "Okay, I will...but not today." Or tell them, "Okay, I will...but let me think about it and decide just what I need to say. I don't want to say something that will screw it up."
Pacify your emotions in any way you need. Just to get through that one day, one hour or one minute.
You can do it...I know you can. Don't give up. Only do things on your terms. Your recent posts have inspired me so much.