Withdrawal is really kicking in now - HELP PLEASE
I'm sitting here - my stomach is a deep pit of nauseous anxiety.
My head is clear - I know that I am withdrawing from 44 years of unhealthy contact. I've written down and read and reread why I am doing it. It makes perfect sense to me - a rational, sensible thing to do - do not go near people who have caused and continue to cause you pain. If only it were that easy and simple.
It feels like my emotions are betraying me. My mind has given up throwing glorious unrealistic fantasies of healthy relationships between me and my codie Mum / alcoholic brother.
My mind has also given up throwing tempting obsessive thoughts my way "You could rejoin the gym, apply for a new job. You know how hard you work. You can work until you are exhausted that will make you numb and then you won't have to feel and go through this". These have been my coping mechanisms my whole life - they only provide temporary relief for the short term so I'm not listening to these messages from my brain either.
Instead, my brain has brought out the big guns. Every part of my emotions is screaming - make contact; In my head I'm screaming back NOOOOOO.
It's like breathe in, NOOOOOO, breathe out, NOOOOOO.....
Somebody please tell me, I've got the strength to get through this.
I'm off to make a curry for tea - if anyone's out there I need your strength.
IWTH xxx