I really want to drink right now. I can't stand all these feelings or all this clarity. I would call somebody, but I feel like I've almost lost the power of speech or to make things come out making sense. I'm exhausted and anxious at the same time. It's like there are two addictions going on inside of me, and it feels like maybe I should just give into one to stave off the other and not try to deal with them both at the same time. Crazy, I know.