Can I share what I've been trying to do lately, to not fall back into the habit of controlling other people? I find that asking them questions, rather than responding by telling them one thing or another, works wonders. Also, avoiding using the word "should."
Today a friend on the east coast was telling me about this girl he is dating. I got red flags from what he said all over the place. But instead of telling her he should stop seeing her, I stopped myself. I realized i can never know the whole picture, and that decision is up to him. So, instead, I asked him "how does her behavior make you feel? why do you think she is doing that? why does it bother you" - questions like that. And I avoided making a direct recommendation to him.
Instead, I said, "it seems to me" or "if I were in this situation" type comments.
I've realized lately that I do too much telling, and not enough listening and questioning! I'm working on this...