Being honest with yourself and a therapist or people at an AA meeting is a tough, tough thing to do. It may hurt, but the hurt is temporary, but the benefits to your psyche (and soul) of unburdening yourself of these thoughts and feelings is immesurable. No one will judge you, as they are all there for the exact same reason you are. Give it a shot with the therapist again. I had a second appointment with my therapist this past wednesday, and started talking about some really painful stuff, I had a panic attack, thought I was going to freak out or puke, and had to run out of her office and get some air. I breathed, drank some water, settled down, and got it all out. It was scary and hurt, but I'm so glad I did. I felt so much better. So, just an example of unburdening and the benefits therein.