Dear all
Wow! Thank you all so much. I really felt I'd made progress in the last few weeks - I still think about him all the time as I still love him, but I was starting to let go. It's just I have it in my head he's stopped drinking. As he would drink EVERY day (WITHOUT FAIL!) from the time he woke up, slowly, to near enough when he went to bed. If he hadn't had a drink for a few hours he would shake. He literally couldn't function. So I was wondering if he was on medication. As for feeding the addiction, he never felt anything about shoplifting cans or a couple of bottles. That's why seeing him sober in jail and receiving the letters he wrote me in that time were so special to me. (Though somebody on here did say jail placed him in an unrealistic place - I hadn't thought of it like that!) Freedom - thank you again - I believe you were the first ever person to reach out to me on this website and here you are again in my hour of need. And I did invest (as you first suggested) in Co-dependent no more. I have started to read it but I spend so much time on this website - in some ways I find it as if not more helpful, so I haven't actually yet finished the book!!
Anvilhead I've read a few of your posts in various threads started by various SRers. I have the utmost respect for you. Someone like me appreciates the softly, softly approach. But you never seem to give that - you tell it like it is, and sometimes people like me need that! So thank you too.
Sandra you are absolutely right. I am now left with debt because of how I tried to help him out. On the day he broke up with me in June he said I would get every penny back. I'm awaiting that first call to settle some money!
CNMC2C - The best predictor of the future is the past! Powerful words - so true! It isn't very often a leopard changes its spots is it. And the past is not good. Though going back to the past with his ex she never had to work in the 10 years they were together as he held down two jobs to support her and the two children. But to the recent past (with me) it's going to be hard to kick the bottle just like that isn't it, when you've drunk EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail for four years. I need to remind myself of your words the next time I stress about 'why not for me?' TC999 - welcome back - another one of the first person on this site to welcome me and I always have the utmost respect for your comments and opinions. Look how carried away I'm getting - that I think those two are going to whisk off together in the sunset and live happily ever after. A guy who couldn't give up for his own two children, his ex of 10 years, his ex of three years (me) and I think he's going to give up for some woman he's been seeing for two months!
Miss Fixit thanks for highlighting that snippet again - as I said in some ways he has dragged me down - financially and now emotionally :-(
Thank you everyone. I honestly feel some time I'm losing my mind. I am going to AA and Al Anon which is helping greatly but I still lose perspective of the situation. I just thought we would always work it out, you know? In the three years we were together he told me all the time I was beautiful, he was so lucky, he didn't deserve me, etc. I guess I just wonder where that guy has gone and why he now seems to hate me so much.