See I had an entire wordy response to your post warren. I deleted it and retyped it a few times.
All I will say are the following things:
Your sobriety is your own. Mine is MY only responsibility. Yours is none of my business. There's a few people on here that have really fuzzy logic about what it means to be sober or have sober time. To each his/her own! Not my interest.
Whatever works for you, works for you. What you've done so far hasn't seemed to work for you at all.
You refer to your battle with alcohol. Respectfully, this isn't a battle. Alcohol already won. Maybe thinking that you will defeat somethingabout it helps keep you stuck.
You also talk about not having another drink in regards to feeling like you're on a diet forever. I'm sad for you that alcohol is still so hugely important to you, and so deeply felt as something you enjoy, outweighing whatever negatives most all of us can predict it will bring. I don't know how much more any of 'us' here can tell you how helpful it is to have assitance with all this, but for whatever reason you've not explored it, and that again is your business.
Smacked said something in another thread that I really liked, something to the effect of "Abstinence has very little to do with recovery. Recovery however, has everything to do with keeping me abstinent".