Dear all
I wondered if I could seek your views on this. When I met my xabf he did wonders for my self esteem and his kind words probably helped actually save me from myself. I fell for him very quickly, without realising his problem. (This I now realise can be the trait of narcissism in him). Anyway, although we had our problems over three years we rarely argued and really did click. I loved him and while I think he was rebounding at first I know (as much as is possible within an abf) he loved me.
A year into our relationship he wanted to move in. But he wasn't working and I refused until he was. Actually he didn't work throughout the three years, plus he didn't work for about 10 months before we got together - so, in all, four years he's not been working.
He has had a few 'rock bottoms' in the time I've known him. The first 18 months we were together his family would have nothing to do with him, he was homeless, he wasn't seeing his children as his ex wouldn't let him.
Then earlier this year he went to prison for six weeks.
After his release his family rallied back round. I had only previously met his mother. Upon his release he introduced me to his dad, stepmother and very young brother, his other brother and his wife and child, their grandmother, and most importantly his two children. As I've posted before his ex was very much against this but his reaction was 'I've been with her for three years, we're together, I love her, we want the children to be part of our lives'. At Christmas he told me we would be living together by this Christmas, to which my reply was 'Yes, as long as you're working'.
Those of you who have read my posts will know he finished with me out of the blue just six weeks after introducing me to his children. We'd had an excellent time in the weeks beforehand, the days beforehand, even on the very last night we spent together.
Throughout our time together he said one of the things he loved about me was the fact I'd not had children and was not divorce - no baggage. Then he left me for a young mother-of-four who has just come out of a divorce. He moved in with her. I gather they had a few problems, just six weeks into the relationship, but, as far as I know they're still together.
Today I find out he's working! I am the one who was his emotional crutch for three years. 'I sometimes think you were sent to me.' 'I don't think I'd still be here if it wasn't for you', etc for three years. And now he has a job - just weeks after kicking me out of his life in the cruellest of ways and with no forewarning.
It probably doesn't sound like I am happy for him. But I am. I still love him and want to see him happy (he claims he's never been happy). But at the same time we went through the mill together and I had the worst of him. Now I feel like this woman, or any other woman, will get the best side of him, when I still feel he's my soulmate. When he broke up with me he gave me a thousand reasons but he also gave me no real reason. When giving me the thousand reasons he said he still loved me and was in love with me, but he felt like he'd softened too much and needed to harden up and stand on his own two feet without me to pick him up.
If he is getting sorted, will he even think about what I tried to do for him? Will he now hate me and blame me for everything? I want to contact him to say I'm happy for him but at the same time I don't want to break no contact. I now hope he will ring me, but is he even likely to?
