Hi TB
Yeah i know what you mean...it sucks! For me it was quite simple in hindsight, after a few days the feelings and emotions i was suppressing using alcohol would rise to the surface and make me so uncomfortable in my own skin that i felt my only option was to drink to stop thinking and feeling.
I had a few months at a time, not many times, where i would stop drinking and lock myself away...avoiding everyone and everything but always would go back to that relief.
I wish you could get to those AA meetings, i couldn't do it by myself and it was a fight i could not win...to win i had to surrender...if you understand that, then cool you maybe can have a go by yourself but i didn't...when someone said to me you can win by surrendering i would say what the **** are you talking about and look at them like they were stupid...
Anyways keep safe and keep coming back here, as long as you keep trying and keep looking for answers you are on the right path...a longer one than necessary (cough meetings)...but the right one nevertheless:-)
Day 4, man we are some messed up puppies always day 4! I think it's
day 1 drink
day 2 feel like crap
day 3 feel less like crap and start thinking
day 4 feel a little better and emotion overload...drink!!!!!!
Remember to eat something too!!!