Originally Posted by
Wife2Kids 
Chrysalis--so does XAH still have visitation with both kids? If so, what do you tell your younger child so they know they will be safe? Have you even gone and picked up your children because you felt they were not safe?
Yes, my XAH still has visitation. He is supposed to have up to 50% overnights. But since he was scapegoating one the counselors demanded separate visitation until he agreed to get parenting help. I offered him every night having one kid, and he refused since that would be way too hard on his social life. And those damn counselors don't know what they're talking about and he doesn't need help...I did! My HP oversaw this because the kids are with me most of the time now due to XAH arrogance and refusal to see them as often as he was legally entitled too. I am thankful.
My counselor and I have talked with them about physical/emotional safety. Younger one is now 12 and will call if she needs help. The counselor has helped her work out things to say to give her a chance to cool down. Such as, "Daddy I need a time out." and then remove herself to a room. She did not realize she could say that to him. Recently, for the first time she asked for help to get her home cause "Dad's been drinking Mom."
Yes, I have gone and picked her up. She called one night when she was 10. Said Dad had left and said he would be right back. He told her this at 6 and she called me at 8 because it was dark and she was scared. I went to get her. He called at 11 asking for her. Did not know she was gone since 8. I did not return her since she was asleep and he did not push it.
His behavior has gotten better as I have become healthier and firmer at holding my boundaries and not keeping any secrets. He counted on the fact that I would never involve outsiders into our business. Once Social Services was called and therapists involved (he told me they were nuts and he was going to find a therapist that agreed with him doing all his crap) things have settled down a bit.