He has been seeing an attachment and trauma therapist weekly for the last 2 1/2 years. He has an appointment with her today. She is aware that prior to me leaving STBXAH that he was very verbally abusive to DS--calling him a little jerk. He showers love on our 4 year old and yells at our 8 year old. Our 8 year old said that last year when he was driving him to school if he got mad at him he would pinch him inside his thigh and it hurt.
DS loves his dad and like I said a couple weeks ago--it is confusing. How can someone he loves leave a place in his heart that hurts so bad.
STBXAH has suggested collaborative parenting. . .and I think it is a good idea. But he needs to step up to the plate and protect his son, not harm him.
This is not a case of me being angry at STBXAH and trying to get back at him. I left him because of his alcohol abuse and verbal violence and threats. I assume that now that there is no reason to stop drinking and getting high that he has started again--at least that is the scoop through the town grapevine.
Last night he called to see if the people who had looked at our house were interested and then asked to say good night to the kids. I told him I thought that was a great idea and then asked that he extend the same courtesy to me when he has the kids, not only at night, but when older DS is in crisis. He said he would but did not say anything about this past weekend. Older DS walked into the room as I was talking to STBXAH and when he found out he could call me when he was not at home he went from looking very sad to very happy. I am his safe person. Always have been and I always will be. He knows I will never hurt him and that no matter what he says or does to me I will always be there. It is hard because he can be pretty harsh and say some pretty horrific things--but I know it is not him, not the real him. It is the scared kid who wants to make sure I am not going to abandon him like his birth mother did.