I've done these questions on a blog that I have going
How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
The two people that I have tried to change in my life are my brother and wife. When my brother was doing poorly in school, I would try to tell him what to do and to put him on a "plan" for his life. When he didn't listen to me, I became angry and frustrated as a result of that. I would then withhold information from him or not invite him to something in order to punish him. During that time, it seemed like he was getting worse, like to the point of dropping out of school. When I started to detach from him and set some boundaries with him, he started to turn. What the truth is though...he only turned because he wanted to. He did not turn because of what I did. That makes it even better because it increases the chance for success if he is the one that wants to get better.
I would try to change my wife in order for her not to leave me. Again, I still don't know if it was because of denial or what, but I don't feel like I was afraid of her drinking until the very end. I feel that I was very naive, but no so much in denial. I don't know. Anyways, I would withhold affection and attention from my wife when I knew that she needed it when I felt that she wasn't in to me that much. At least that's what I thought. We would get in a fight and either me or her would leave the house. In either situation, she would drink. We would eventually make up and everything would be great until I thought that she didn't care about me anymore. So the cycle would start again. I'm not sure if I see that as trying to change her, but that's how I acted with my wife for a long time. Basically ever since we have been married. The consequences of this is that it never got better. The cycle kept going and feeding itself. Every fight got bigger and every time the time spent apart post-fight got longer. Eventually, I would find more and more beer bottles around the house and other medication. So in a way, her disease got worse as well because of my attempt to control.