It sounds like she's trying hard to "out-smart" you - that's why it takes her a while to reply to your messages. Regardless of what you've actually said, she's playing out some drama in her head - something fairly black-and-white. Either you need her and have an immeshed relationship with her, or you don't need her at all. No middle ground.
It also sounds like she's trying to turn things around if she can. First, blowing up your "no" to the money question into a "you're not talking to me anymore" and then turning it around ("do you not need me anymore?"). If you go back running, she's got you back in your perceived position of "needing her" and thus become stuck lending money again (because for your mom, that's how "needing her" seems to work: you need her, and she needs money to stay available for being needed(?)). My crazy-sense is tingling.
What are you expectations for her, now that you've refused to lend money for the first time?