Hi Chery,
Was it considered to be OK to have a dirty urine coming into the first phase of IOP treatment, but wouldn't be later in the program? Because if that is the case, it might be part of why you relapsed. You might have been sucked into the "last hurrah" type of thinking, which is common in entering treatment, even IOP. Or did you just say to yourself "Well, the man from IOP on the phone thinks I'm a common drug addict, so I might as well act the part."
Either way of thinking is a trap. Your adict brain at work. Are you going to meetings now? Because it could really help you identify these patterns of thinking, as all of us addicts have them in common. Maybe it will be easier for you to relate now that you are off of that little pedestal you were trying to climb onto, as you put it. Take it from me, pedestals are very confining. You are better off with your feet firmly on the ground, even though you are down here with all the rest of us addicts...lol...we don't bite. It'll be OK, and it'll be a lot less lonely then the pedestal.
Love,
KJ
And hey, wait a minute...where did the pills come from and do you have access to more of them? I thought we flushed them and locked up the rest a few weeks ago during your HS reunion???? What is going on?