((Chery)))
Please, honey, stop beating yourself up. Most of the time we see a relapse coming, but this one caught you way off track. The thing is, hon, this IS something you probably need to get out and in the open to strengthen your recovery. I'm not saying out and in the open as in everyone should know about it, but it's those "dirty little secrets" that we hide that keep us sick....most of them, we have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Like Mark said, you aren't going to be the first to come in with a dirty screen. No, it's not what you wanted...you were damned proud to be coming in with 102 days clean ALL BY YOURSELF and now you can't. Okay, so little change in the plan. Remember....look at the big picture....recovery is for your life..literally. If you want to be a nurse again, you will have to jump through their hoops, so like my dr. says "suck it up"...and I promise, he says it with a ton of compassion, just as I am saying to you. I KNOW how hard it is, that's why I haven't taken the steps yet. I'm doing the recovery part, but I'm just not ready to hear the BON tell me that MY recovery doesn't really mean anything because it doesn't follow THEIR PLAN of recovery.
So see, you are way ahead of me! I'm still being stubborn, dragging my feet, and you're doing the work, as hard as it is.
Hold your head high, sweetie. Get back on that recovery path and next time pick up that phone and call Bear or me first, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy