Joedris!
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!
You are 100% correct. I do not have emotional sobriety. I have physical sobriety. My body is 100% detoxed from all the junk I pumped into it. And i'm pretty sure my brain has somewhat recovered from the addiction, as my memory has come back.
Emotionally I am not recovered at all. I think all the drama and stuff I avoided in my substance abuse and over the last 4 years is all coming to a head right now and I really cant handle it. I started drinking in 7th grade and everytime something bad happened I would just drink, smoke, or snort my problems away. So now I want to drink to avoid all of this stuff swarming in my head. And I want to shout "WHY CANT I JUST BE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND BE ABLE TO HAVE ONE DRINK AND CONTROL IT?"
I was thinking about NA or AA. But I'm afraid to go...because I am going to just start crying and not be able to stop. My family and friends are oblivious to what I was really doing all of those years. They knew I would be out all night with my friends. But when I tell them I'm an addict they scream "Dont say that ur not an addict. Lets just have a beer and talk." They dont realize that one drink could literally throw everything I've worked for right out the window.