I think your inner strength is just fine Jade
I think it's maybe your pride at work here....
Addiction is not the same as weakness - but most of us see it that way and try to fight it to the death.
We want to win....and vanquish the foe.
You fight and struggle endlessly and, sooner or later, you'll get tired....or before that, you even may have a few 'wins' and you'll get complacent - either way chances are you'll be back at square one.
The way to really kick butt here is to *accept* your addiction - and accept you need do *everything* you can to learn how to deal with it, and learn a better way of life...
the best way to learn is from others who've been there, and yhe best way to maximise your chances of success is to reach out and get help.
so...keep posting here, get your behind on a seat at a meeting, get some numbers to call, don't pick up a drink...and start to kick some serious butt
D