I'm going to respond to the first post, which actually goes with your title, and which is what I believe is what is truly going on there.
Just because you were making a decision that serves neither you nor this sick man well, doesn't mean that you can or should retract what you said. We cannot help you if you are not honest with us. You slipped back into codie mode in your unknowningness about AA and about the fact that sponsors must be alcoholic and same-sex. That's OK. Don't be embarrassed about it. We all go back and forth with this thing.
But your second post just doesn't make sense at all. It's as if you said "Hi ladies, the sky here is green!" and then someone called you on it and you said "Oh, to me green means the same as blue!" I'm not buying it, Sister. So I'm addressing the real post. The first post. Which, IMO, is a codie cry for help.
Originally Posted by
TakingCharge999 
I told him before doing anything he has to call me so I kick his a$$ and ask him if he has not had enough hurt yet. And that he has to be brutally honest with me and himself.
Stop the madness. Didn't you learn from your ex that you cannot control alcoholics and their drinking?
Originally Posted by
TakingCharge999 said he will do it for his kids and I told him its a very good reason but it should be something he wants for himself!
Well, when he's ready, he'll do it for himself. Nothing here sounds ready to me, and I'm both an addict and a codie.
Originally Posted by
TakingCharge999 says he can moderate himself and asked me to trust him on that, I said well try No Drinks for one month, then we will see if I believe you can actually cut back...
It doesn't matter what you believe. An alcoholic cannot moderate or cut back. That's what makes one an alcoholic. This is one of those places where a non-alcoholic should be aware that they cannot understand, and so, shouldn't sponsor an alcoholic. And why you need to let him alone at least until he reaches bottom, realizes that abstinence is the only hope he has, and does a program for a year or so. With other alcoholic
men.
Originally Posted by
TakingCharge999 I do a good job
I feel good knowing someone trusts me....
Why should you feel like this is an accomplishment, setting yourself up for more pain and usery--even if it is truly long distance? He is the one who has accomplished something--finding a new patsy for his disease, someone to whine to, someone who is a proven codependent.
Please, please, please, disengage now. Get plenty of distance, and stop the madness. You don't need this, ever.
Love,
KJ