Ok ok, I left out A LOT of information, and now I noticed I also made a typo. So let me clarify the situation and I thank you all for your time and concern
I do not actually see this guy, he is a coworker working overseas. We have never met in person. We talk over the phone and chat about work mostly but as we are slaves at wee hours on the night we also joke and talk about life in general.
The wife is not a wife but an is ex wife... for years now. She wants nothing to do with him romantically. (Pause for the audience's sigh of relief). Nor me, LOL.
And yes, the use of 'sponsor' is not a good adjective for me. I know he is not ready for AA yet and when he is he will find a proper sponsor, I know the drill !
For now I am his confident... I listen and he knows there is Someone Out there who cares so it seems that helps him....
Hopefully he will get to AA... right now I agree he is still in denial. I told him so, he sounded like a typical AH in denial saying he has under control his way of drinking and can moderate it...
Sorry for all my mistakes and I appreciate everyone's input on this, I think my codieness is in check, I am a friend out there that places no judgment... I am not claiming to know better. I cannot be a sponsor for Al anon either, I still fall back to the same old same old!
He approached me because he knew I went out with a drunk guy, took some theater lessons and acted as an AH and attended weeks of AA and an AA-organized retreat.. (4th and 5th step, man was it tough)
I claim innocent to all accounts!
By now I know anything I say won't have an effect on him... he is finally starting to see reality, so I do not know if this is bottom or not, perhaps after failing not to drink he will reach it, and not drinking for a month does not prove he is not an AH either..... he put himself this test... for now I can only be "out there" for him.
Progress...
...not...
........perfection.
Advice still welcome!!