Welcome back, Charles
Looks like you really enjoyed my "backyard" lol.. Jason and I actually got married within eyeshot of Garden of the Gods, and Pikes Peak.. beautiful down there for sure. We go back to hike around often.
What your therapist said totally makes sense. I know I could go have 2 beers, and be just fine.. I've done it hundreds probably thousands of times.. it's the mental piece that would f with me. Though I could be 'disciplined' enough to stop at 2 (mind you, 'normal' drinkers never have to use discipline or think about limiting drinks lol), I'd want more. Maybe not that night, i'd probably be high on what I thought was success. But it'd open the door for the next time, and that for the next time and so on. I'd spend so much time thinking about drinking or not drinking or whatever it would impede my otherwise pretty awesome life. I like never thinking about it.. knowing I could have a few drinks and never drink again does nothing for me. So what? Maybe I could.. maybe I could do it for a year? My relationship with alcohol is so different at this point, that I'm not SO in love with it anymore that I feel I need to find a way to keep it in my life or have a taste now and again.. to me that's crazy thinking. I've moved on, and that 2 drinks I could 'will' myself to have and stop at would be worth absolutely nothing.. the fact that I've been sober, have worked out some personal kinks that probably contributed to dependency, abuse or whatever mumbo jumbo there is, THAT is where my strength lies, not in the delusional 'strength' it would take to have 2 drinks.. to me that purely defines weakness and backstepping.
That's of course just MY opinion.. we're all very different, and lot of "us" have returned to drinking, and I'm sure of it that several of 'us' will again.. I don't tempt it, I don't think about it.. the only time alcohol is even a whisper of a thought is when I read about it here. Also another reason I'm not here as much as I used to be.. I have no solid place 'here', my life has changed too much to identify right now. Maybe that makes it easy for me to say 'never', maybe this kid has given me a free pass to sobriety.. I don't know. Regardless of my pregnancy, what I stood to lose before while I was drinking, I still stand to lose now and none of that is worth risking.
Ok enough from me.. this place depresses me! I'm off to do some baby furniture shopping and out to lunch w/ Jason's mom..(very typical crazy mother in law.. ugh!).
Hope you all have a great weekend/week etc..
xox