Hey IPT. Maybe some of what I do will help you:
What I've learned is that you will get to where you need to be, when you get there. It's helpful to remember that addix PURPOSELY hook you back in emotionally, according to their own crazy time schedule.
Addix know your deepest desires, dreams, and feelings better than even you do. They manipulate you to get to your feelings, in order to get what they want from you.
Someday soon you will step back and look at this very objectively, without emotion. You will see it for what it is. Try not to fret that it's taking so long; you'll get there, I promise. Just keep breathing. Look toward the future.
Stomp out the guilt, refuse to feel guilt!!! Just keep telling yourself, out loud, "NO GUILT!" And eventually that feeling will go away. It's not your fault and I can guarantee you, you did not hurt her by trying to be in a relationship with her.
Lastly, try to become aware of how you are emotionally hooked to this person. Since she is on a binge right now, this is the best time. WRITE THINGS LIKE THIS DOWN. Keep your thoughts and feelings in a spiral notebook.
Look at all your wants and dreams and desires for your life and write them down.
Look at how good you feel and why, during the times you were happy with her (if ever).
Then, write down how bad you feel and why.
Write down what behaviors she does that make you feel bad.
This will help you to compare the pros and the cons, and see them and the size of each. The bad will outweigh the good.
You'll see the feelings that keep you hooked, and your wants and desires that keep you hooked. Then, you learn how to let go of those feelings and those wants. It's a process. You're doing great!