Like him, my son did what addicts do...giving lip service to recovery that was belied by the actions.
This IS what addicts do, take the path of least resistance and lie about using.
I got frustrated, I played codie detective thinking that if I could catch him in his lies he would either find recovery or stop telling lies to cover it...and of course that just led to more frustration, tears, and heartache. And I learned that my instinct told me more than his lies could ever tell me.
What worked for me was to find meetings and a program that literally saved MY life. As I learned to work the 12 steps, beginning with Step 1.."we admitted we were powerless over addiction and our lives had become unmanageable" I took the focus off him and turned it to healing myself because, in the end, "I" am the only person on earth that I can change.
Whether you are ready to leave him or not, we are all here to walk with you. The decision is yours alone. But from experience I can tell you that I wasn't ready to make these decision until I found my own balance and strength. Step 2 is "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". I needed that sanity before I could make any decisions that were right for me...and trust that they WERE the right choices.
If there are meetings in your area, you would be doing yourself a huge favour to find some and given them a try. You may find that none of this is about 'him" anymore, that it''s about us and how we survive a life that has turned upside down.
And you will note that all the steps refer to "we" because this is a program that we work together and we are never alone. We don't have to do any of this without the support of people who have been there.
My heart and prayers go out for both of you.
Hugs