KC1 - Hello!
There are a few red flags about your drinking... the biggest one is that you often don't stop after the first one, you drink more than you intended, you have remorse about your drinking. Whether you are an alcoholic is your truth and your journey.
It is not your husband's... why all this energy into whether or not you should go to an AA meeting on the sly? What is that about? Just go, if you don't want to tell him, don't. It's not a game. Don't make it one.
My wife, I think, had a plan for me... I remember a long walk one day... long walk... No vodka, One beer or glass of wine with dinner, no drinks before 5 PM.... Promise?
Touching really, she loves me so much and she was so worried, and angry, and she was going to fix me, like I had a bad cold... chicken soup....
That was two years ago. She's happy that I am sober, but you know, she says that maybe I can control it... She'd like her drinking buddy back... Sounds good to me!!... She's not an alcoholic, she doesn't understand. She would just get the active drunk back.
I go to meetings when I need to go and there are no important family activities. Period.
Work on you. Do what you have to do.
Mark