I want to thank everyone here. This was the first time I posted anything over the internet. Though criticisms are harsh for my stupidity - I actually have a medical degree and used to be a doctor in another country - I feel lucky that I found this website.
I was very sad, quilty, exhausted last night. He felt sick, but said that he would let me know if he thinks he needs an ambulance. He actually has been a lot sicker many times and almost didn't believe I did it. Anyway, this morning it's like nothing happened to him... You are all right, what I did so far has been enabling him or making things worse. I went to both Al-anon and AAs a few times. I feel more desparate after meeting those people because I am more convienced that "I" cannot help. The only thing to help both of us over the long term is for me to leave him, so that he can figure things out on his own, and I resume my own life.