Vicious,
Big fat loser is not the description I would use. That's our natural tendency, to think that we're losers because we fail at doing what most everybody else like us fails at doing. In a perverse way, it is still us feeling unique. We think we're weak, or have no will power, or aren't good enough.
Most alcoholics never stop drinking. Most folks that flirt with recovery find that it's not as easy as they thought. Just deciding to quit drinking is usually not sufficient.
You've learned a valuable lesson about yourself. This lesson doesn't require anyone else's opinion or interpretation. It's your own experience that moderation or controlled drinking doesn't work very well for you. Great. So abstinence is probably your only shot. Deciding to not drink at all is another one of those decisions. Unless followed up by some action, it may fall short for you.
Make a decision to take the action required to stay sober.