Learn2Live,
I think it is very good for you to recognize your feelings and sitting with them even if they are uncomfortable. No one does that. Most people are out there doing anything not to feel what hurts, so kudos to you.
I feel there is a DJ out there tuning and turning all these buttons, sometimes the high note is anger, sometimes its just longing and nothing else, sometimes its a mix of everything... and triggers SUCK. Colors, places, people, phrases, movements, smells, sheesh.
For me I guess the shock will always be there.
It sucks to see the progression. How can it not hurt? I hope your sadness subsides soon...