Originally Posted by limiya

thanks to all who have replies so far. It really does help me more than i can possibly express in words.
I know i can't go back to him, because i wasn't happy with him being an addict. The only way it would ever really work was if i was an addict with him, and that's never gonna happen.

Yes, he obviously has no self respect or self esteem if he does this to himself on a regular basis, and then treats me like **** in the process.
If he had been all bad i would have moved on by now, but i keep remembering the good times together.

When he took me to a top hotel, dancing together overlooking the view of the city to frank sinatra (romantic) yet he was high then too. And i was blind to it.

Cooking me romantic meals.

Giving massages for no reason apart from he loved me.

Taking me to a museum.

Our first kiss, he asked me first if it was ok to kiss me. That's when i fell in love with him. He was wasted then too (i didn't realise he was on drugs)

spending 10 days together in spain in the sun (apart from one night he got wasted and ruined everything).

Most of my happy memories are becoming tainted by his addiction.
I have to keep reminding myself that.

I won't be writing the good list. There is no point. I know he's a decent man underneath, and i am in love with and miss the possibilty of what could have been if there were no drugs, what was, and the potential.
But then, it's all just one big lie isn't it??

What have i learnt??? To never just roll over and take it. To always stick with my morals, it took me long enough but i did. And his reaction was to leave me and indulge in himself rather than fight for what could be.

~limiya~