He's been arrested and is out on conditions
Hi all,
I am not sure what I want here - just to get it all out I guess. As I said in my last thread, my XABF (actually XACH = Ex-Addict Common-Law Husband) and I still have a lot of contact and are still too "entangled"/not quite always X.
One of our “issues” throughout the relationship is that he (when not telling me how wonderful I am, knows I’m not like that, trusts me totally) has been obsessed with the idea that I cheat on him – with another guy, with myself, or with a girl. With my obsession being his addiction I wouldn’t have the energy to think of such foolishness. He used to hide/sneak around in various ways and try to catch me. Since I kicked him out but still let me visit our children (at my house, so of course he visits me too) he has gotten worse. When he would be at the house I was constantly checking all the doors and windows because he would sneak back in still trying to “catch me”. I could not relax in my home and was getting quite paranoid (with reason). He never did this when I had anyone staying over.
That changed a couple days ago. I awoke around 7AM to find him standing my bed and ranting about hearing me and my SISTER!! in bed together an hour or two earlier – we had been asleep much longer than that. Skipping all the details I got him out the door and he shouldered the deadbolt right out through the frame. Then stayed out in the yard, not knowing we had called the police. He used a screwdriver to break in the non-deadbolted door, btw.
Just as scary as anything else is that he seems to really believe he heard and maybe even saw us together. Opiates (and maybe benzos) wouldn’t do that would it? I kept thinking that if the drugs were out the picture everything else would be fine. How could I have possibly let things drag out this long and get this bad?
In a way I am glad it got this bad so I can finally let go of my dream. I didn’t want to have a broken family and, even if I had to, I still was hoping he could sober up/be normal and be there for our girls – I don’t know how that could ever happen. I don’t want to be a mother who doesn’t allow her kids to see the father that they know and love, but I don’t know how to work around this!
Looking back at this in print, I think I would be at a loss for words if it was posted by someone else looking for advice. I would be dumbfounded. What would anyone get out of that and how could anyone hope it would work out??