Honesty!!!!
Brutal honesty with myself and polite honesty with others is what set me free of the bonds of alcoholism and self. As others have said already honesty is the cornerstone of recovery.
know....I am tired of telling myself these same thoughts/ideas/ REALITY---
I'm a smart person, I mean the best....I just fall short when it comes to will power and saying no
I know it's up to me, I know this is my fault....
But still.....I fight myself everyday to just stop thinking about it...to just NOT DRINK....It seems rational enough....all my misery comes from my drinking....only bad comes from it....but I always cave into myself.....Why can't I just let it go...?.... I/the real me...does not want to drink....but the alcoholic/immature/selfish girl inside me is still winning?!?!?! Send her away..for good this time!!
Jade I could have written that 3 years ago, I was lost and hopeless, I had not drawn a sober breath in 5 years, I drank when I did not want to drink.
I was tired of fighting, so tired I finally surrendered to alcohol, I just gave up!!!
Well a very short time after that surrender I surrendered to the fact that I had no idea how to get sober and
I had proven track record of not being able to stay sober on my own will power alone (Sound familiar?).
When the second surrender happened I was then able to reach out for help, admitting that I could not do it my way alone with just my will power alone.
I became willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober!
I saw a doctor, he put me into medical detox, medical detox suggested AA if I
REALLY wanted a chance at long term sobriety.
All I can say is that I am free today from the bondage of my alcoholism, I had my last drink 1,052 days ago and can honestly say I could care less if I ever have another drink again, I hold my head high, I look the world square in the eye, I am happy and I am comfortable in my own skin!
This is as a direct result of taking the 12 steps of AA and the fellowship of AA! For me when I hear another AA person say "
I could not stay sober, but
we can." I totally understand what they are saying.
Jade have you thought about stepping over to the winning side?
The way I found to get to the winning side was to surrender to the winning side, I became a winner when I surrendered.
Think about this. I could not stay sober, it was a losing battle that I had lost because I did not know how to stay sober. I asked for help from people who had found a way to overcome the bondage of alcoholism, these people took me by the hand and they shared with me and helped me do what they had done and do to stay sober.
If one wants to learn how to swim do they ask for help from some one who does not know how to swim or do they ask an experienced swimmer for help? Should they feel ashamed or weak for seeking help from an experienced swimmer?
If you really want to stay sober why not go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a temporary sponosr?
What do you have to lose? An hour or 2 every day of possible drinking time?
What do you have to gain? Possibly life itself, freedom from the bondage of alcoholism, a whole new way of living that you never dreamed possible?
Hey if you really want to stay sober and you know you can not do it your way alone the worst thing that may happen is you will stay sober for 90 days, I am sure you can get a full refund on all of the misery you missed out on for those 90 days! LOL