rae33

Hi everyone,
I have been enjoying the last several days as AH and son went on a family trip to TX and I have had the house to myself. Today is actually day 11 by myself and it's really been just the last 2 or 3 days that I am truly enjoying myself, relaxing, thinking more clearly etc, I guess in a way feeling what it would be like to not live with an A!
So yesterday, I get a call from his Mom who tells me he's been drinking practically the whole time (why am I still surprised?!) so he's basically lied to me over the phone about it and the worst part is, he withdrew all the rest of the vacation money (for him and my son!) and spent it on a wild weekend with his (even more screwed up) brother, who he claimed before the trip he wouldn't even get in the car with, and yet they take a whirlwind trip across TX, DRUNK and not getting in touch with the family or my son. My son is in very good hands with AH's mom and sister, very loving and fun people, but I am sure they were all more than a little disappointed in the behavior they were witnessing. My son is so MAD at his dad and I feel guilty for even sending him there in the first place (but we had talked about this possibility b4 he left, & he still wanted to go see his family). I guess I just stupidly assumed if AH was going to go drink, he would do it AWAY from my son and the family! Well, I guess nothing stops him!
The only "silver lining" I can see is that through the gift of this forum and al-anon I am learning to handle my emotions and my reactions in a healthier way. Even a month ago, I would have been up sick all night, worried, calling him every 5 minutes even though his phone's turned off, in a word FRANTIC. But I stayed calm and realized THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. What a difference that makes!
Today I found out that his very best friend down there, who has been a RA for over 15 years found AH, got him away from his brother and is taking care of him, so I know he is safe, as is my son and I didn't make myself sick with worry all night!
I am thinking about making a list of 'conditions' for when he comes back to which I am (pretty) sure he will agree because I know he is mortified at what he has done. Before, it was always me that was going leave because of the drinking but I think I want to put on the conditions that if he fails to live up to them, that HE will be the one to move out. I like my house and my son's school is fantastic. Why should I be the one to move when I am not the one breaking promises and telling lies? Conditions I'm considering are: definitely AA several times a week, recovery program of some kind and this is a big one: I'm thinking of pulling all his access to money for the first month or so, he has a habit of royally screwing up bank accts, credit card accts, etc (and STEALING my son's vacation money!) and if he has access to $$ he doesn't spend it like a normal person on books, clothes, music, restaurants... he spends it all on one thing and one thing only... alcohol!
My question is this: Is that too extreme, is that codependent that I'm not seeing? The money thing affects the whole family, though which is why I'm concerned. I KNOW AH wants to get better, and like I mentioned in earlier posts, we've never realized b4 that it is so much deeper than just not drinking. I feel willing to give this one last shot but only with professional help and a serious attempt to solve this problem. If that fails, then at least I know I gave it my all before giving up!