When I detached from my husband and started focussing on my happiness, I still loved him. I just didn't engage with him when he was drinking. He initially cut right back from drinking but because he was still drinking (you know, controlled drinking), the cycle happened again and three years later, I found myself once again, on the receiving end of some horrible abuse during his binges, even though for that cycle I had remained detached from him. That is when I was 100% sure that his drinking was not about me.