DayWalker

Hey everyone, felt it's time I posted and let everyone know how I'm doing.

Maybe some of you remember me from the past 7 months or so. I was doing very well when I joined here back in Jan/feb....had over 100 days sober, then went back out drinking ( I always hated the word "relapse" because to me a "relapse" is a conscious decision to drink, which I chose to do. And I didn't 'slip"....because I PLANNED to drink when I did!).

Anyway... I've been living the hard life for the past couple months. trying my best to be sober, then day or two later, spending days on end drunk and hungover. It's been really hard. Each drunk is getting worse than the last not only in amount, but in the shame as well, even when no one knows. I don't really quite know why it's been so hard for me. Because I have a lot to live for...loving mom, sister, absolutely great niece&nephew, good life as many would say. Yet, I'm still having problems with myself and my own life. Sometimes lately I wonder why I'm even a part of this great family. I really don't think I deserve to be at times now.

I'm tryin though. Have been for weeks now. Finally went back to my first metting yet again last week. I hated going back, but I know I needed too. Didn't get much out of it, but that's because I went not wanting much out of it I guess. Gonna take some time.

Really hard coming back here to be honest after disappearing for the past few months, but here I am. I know I need too. Guess it's a start again.

Steve