DayWalker

Hey everyone, felt it's time I posted and let everyone know how I'm doing.

Maybe some of you remember me from the past 7 months or so. I was doing very well when I joined here back in Jan/feb....had over 100 days sober, then went back out drinking ( I always hated the word "relapse" because to me a "relapse" is a conscious decision to drink, which I chose to do. And I didn't 'slip"....because I PLANNED to drink when I did!).

Anyway... I've been living the hard life for the past couple months. trying my best to be sober, then day or two later, spending days on end drunk and hungover. It's been really hard. Each drunk is getting worse than the last not only in amount, but in the shame as well, even when no one knows. I don't really quite know why it's been so hard for me. Because I have a lot to live for...loving mom, sister, absolutely great niece&nephew, good life as many would say. Yet, I'm still having problems with myself and my own life. Sometimes lately I wonder why I'm even a part of this great family. I really don't think I deserve to be at times now.

I'm tryin though. Have been for weeks now. Finally went back to my first metting yet again last week. I hated going back, but I know I needed too. Didn't get much out of it, but that's because I went not wanting much out of it I guess. Gonna take some time.

Really hard coming back here to be honest after disappearing for the past few months, but here I am. I know I need too. Guess it's a start again.

Steve

yeahgr8

Hi Steve

Yeah i remember! Well done on not disappearing for years and getting back into AA, keep going back.

Its really good to see your avatar again!

Cliff

DayWalker

Thanks Cliff, appreciate the welcome back. It's rough right now, but each little step is a step in the right direction. So coming back here I know is just one more step on the right path.

Hope your doing well.

Steve

Cacao

congrats

Cathy31

Hey Steve
That took a lot of courage. The program has a 'recipe' that will work if you work it. I hope you decide to WORK it (meetings, sponsor, stepwork, higher power, service) despite what you FEEL - feel the feelings but take the (right ) action! You can do it - Rocky did!
Cathy31
x

Cathy31

Oh Sorry!! Your avator is not Rocky!!! LOL!!!! DUH Sorry!!!!

nelco

Hi Daywalker, I remember you here. Nice to see you back. Hope you stay this time. Anyone can work this simple program........just surrender!! If I can do it you can. Meetings, sponsor, steps,.............trust God, clean house, help others.
Hope you stay around!

CarolD

Welcome back Steve....no reason to not use everything
possible to get back on track.

I too returned to drinking after I decided to stop.
The key for me?
[I had to want to quit more than I wanted fo drink

I hope you will soon find that rue for you too.

Wolfchild

i am thankful that you are still alive
and have a desire to stop drinking.

CAPTAINZING2000

I'd hate to go back out there. The risks are far too great after many years of being sober. My drinking had progressed too quickly at the end.


Once drinking isn't fun any more, once drinking causes me many physical, spiritual, emotional as well as mental it wasn't hard to make the right choice.

A normal drinker isn't on here posting on this site cause, alcohol doesn't cause them any problems.

We have to learn, it's not the drink that's the problem, we're the problem.

It's an allergy to my body and it became an obsession in my mind
There's nothing a drink would do for me but, to cause me more self inflicted pain

24hrsAday

yep.. like zing said.. i knew this last time it was stop drinking or else! keep coming back daywalker! (A.A. saved my life!)

Boleo

I did not know how to "not drink' when I started out in recovery and still do not know how to "not drink".

Turns out that alcoholics like me can never learn how to "not drink". Sobriety is none of "My Business".

I had to learn how to stay "spiritually fit" before the gift of sobriety was given to me. As long as I thought it was "My Business" I was like a circus clown who kicks away his hat every time he gets close to it.

I had to do the work and then detach from the outcome.

DayWalker

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the welcome back and understanding, that makes it a lot easier to keep coming back.

Chris that's so true, and really is something I have really noticed a lot the past few times I did drink recently. After going without drinking for the months that I did it seems like now after going back it's progressed even worse than it was before I quit this last time. The crazy amounts I drank the past few times, the terriable physical and mental condition I was in for 3-4 days after drinking. I know it has to stop this time or I'm really in trouble because it's getting worse each time.

I'll keep it short because its late and I'm tired, but I'm not drinking so that's a plus. So I just wanted to stop in and read a few posts to help me go to bed with a bit better frame of mind.

Thanks again.

Steve