I've found this thread to be a very interesting read. Inquisitive reminds me of my ex-husband who is an alcoholic in denial, and has been in denial for 25 years. He also did not drink every night, or during the day, or on Mondays....or whatever....but when he did drink he drank a LOT! It eventually caused the end of our marriage because, with time, he became aggressive and even violent during these binges. Did they happen every week? No. Did they happen every month? No. But every couple of months or so some manner of violence would take place.... a wall punched, a chair broken, me pushed around, and once thrown on the ground and strangled. by then we had two small kids and I begged him to get help. He said it was all my fault that he drank. We went to marriage counseling and as soon as the counselor focused on his drinking, he no longer wanted to attend. So I divorced him. As the kids grew their weekend visits were sometimes spoiled by similar episodes of drinking...not often...but often enough and scary enough to where they 'demanded' that he not drink when they were there. He "moderated" for a couple of years but eventually allowed himself 2-3 glasses of wine while they were there. Most recently over summer visit (3 weeks) they called me to come get them because of his drinking...they were DONE. He now has NO VISITATION whatsoever because it is written in the decree that they can choose whether or not to visit (they are teens now). They have chosen not to...at all...ever again.
The ex is ENRAGED about this saying I have brainwashed them and he is NOT RESPONSIBLE...the kids are LYING and EXAGGERATING about his drinking that he has worked VERY HARD TO MODERATE and they're just "acting like spoiled brats"!!!!! None of this is true. Every bit of it is his denial alive and well. He has NEVER acknowledged that he might have a drinking problem even though he strangled his wife, it ruined his marriage, he lost his kids, and totaled a car. Nope! Not a problem!! He's moderating!!
It's sad too because he really is a great guy....when he's sober....but those days are becoming fewer and farther between. I hear it's a progressive disease.