My Story: Do I have an issue?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 34
My Story: Do I have an issue?
--Mods & Others, I have also posted this in the Alcoholism forumm would be grateful if you could leave it for a bit as may gain a wider audience of replies etc--
__________________________________________________ ______________
I have decided to write up a short version of my circumstances in a bid to gather opinion and decide whether or not I have any problem with alcohol. The main reasons are my drinking has changed in style frequency and is starting to affect other areas of my life. However compared to some of my friends, I drink relatively little and respectfully.
I am a 27 year old male from London. I used to drink a few cans of beer on a weekend from age 15 upwards, but when my parents divorced at the age of 16 I started to binge drink at weekends. This would only be a Saturday night but I could get through a fair bit, usually 10 bottles of Alco pops and maybe then a little wine / beer. Never really used spirits. I would be able to wake in the morning without issue, maybe a small hangover, but never anything too bad. So, typical teenage drinking, on a weekend.
I left home at 19 after starting work, and this is when I started to drink the most. Shift work meant I started at funny times and I would tend to drink more because I could. But I started to stick to rules. For example, I would never drink by day but only in the evening at a set time scale. It was a way of unwinding to me and a chance to meditate. I am into spending time on my own and reflecting, so tucking away a couple of bottles of red wine listening to my music collection after an afternoon shift when I knew I could lie in the next morning was very therapeutic. I could do this 4 nights on the row sometimes. I wouldn't tend to drink before an early shift and never on nights. Hard to say how much I drank, but probably at least twice a week, sometimes more.
I started a different shift pattern in 2004 consisting of basically 5 days on 5 days off but longer days. (The 5 days on are basically a couple of days and a couple of nights). Now, when I first started these shifts, I was renting with my girlfriend (now wife) and life was getting good. I made a new rule which I have NEVER broken to this day, which was to NEVER drink the day before a day shift. I decided I could not face waking at 0500 with a hangover to face a 14 hour day. This worked, but, I entered my heaviest period of drinking. The 5 days off allowed me at least 4 nights of boozing which I did for a good 2-3 years. In addition I started a habit of drinking on the day to night shift as I could get home for 8pm, drink into the early hours and not have to be a work until the following evening. I am still on this shift pattern today, but I have lessened my drinking since around 2005/6 and am drinking less now than I ever before. It seems to be a slow decline in volume and here is probably why...
My dad died last year at 53 of oesophageal varices which some of you may know of. A very gruseome internal bleeding caused by years of alcohol abuse. His parents died of a similar thing but that was more alcoholic dementia, withdrawal and general long term heavy serious abuse. My dad and his parents drank day and night, every day, for nigh on 30 years for my dad and probably 50 years for my grandparents. So yes there are genes there, but, there are also vast difference between me and them. It was a way of life fore them which they could fit in around work (dad used to trade in the city so champagne lunches and the grandparents used to run a hotel). They abused spirits and drank by day, daily. I on the other hand am now drinking around 2 to 3 times a week on average, with strict rules, such as I only drink wine, only in the evening, never before work, rarely before a special occasion or during one if we are away etc. I am also extremely fit, I gym minimum 3 times a week and do a lot of long distance cycling. I am about as fit as I ever have been. That said, I have noticed a few things that make me uncomfortable and that forms the basis of my first post which I hope to add to when asked more questions about my circumstances.
For this part it is important you know about an aspect of my personality. I have always been a bit obsessive about certain things. I am not OCD or diagnosed OCD, but, pretty close to it in some ways. For example, I am a clean freak, always cleaning and making sure that my house and garden is immaculate. I can cope with dirt or messiness, but I don't feel comfortable around it. Another example is that I can never seem to do things in halves, e.g. I never eat 1, 2 or 3 biscuits, I scoff the whole pack. I do this because the pack is full, and it seems natural to me to finish it. I am obsessed with finances, so much so that I know exactly what money is in what account, what comes out when and my current account is always rounded to a multiple of 10, i.e. my balance would be £130, not £134.56. I do this to be organised. So you see, I have certain tics that are not out of control, but just the way I like them to be.
1) Now I have noticed with my drinking that I seem unable to have just 1 glass of wine. I am not saying I am physically in need of the second glass, but, I always buy 2 bottles of wine and intend to drink them both, which I always do. Sometimes I don't quite manage 2 and tip what’s left away (no idea why but always do). But there have been occasions where I finish the 2 bottles and then feel like I have "run out" of alcohol which is a bit concerning. By then I have had 2 bottles so I don't "need" more, but if I do finish them and I am not ready for bed I want more alcohol as it seems the natural thing to do. So, this could be that it is just my obsessive personality controlling how much I drink in terms of what is physically there. But could it be that I am literally unable to stop at 1 glass? But then I counteract that by not drinking for 2 or 3 nights - coming to the assumption that I then don't "need" the alcohol.
2) I am experiencing shortness of breath / anxiety attacks the day after I have drunk. This is like clockwork, and hits hardest in the evening. I had a small bout of anxiety between ages 6 and 8 that passed and nothing was diagnosed or pinpointed as a trigger so this characteristic is in my system. It has returned now though and after a coupe of years of me monitoring it there is a definite link to alcohol. i.e. It will NEVER EVER happen when I am under the influence, but it will 80% happen the day after when the alcohol is leaving my system. I have put myself into situations to learn all about this and know exactly how to control it. I can deal with it fine on my own but being in a confined space or with others makes it worse. I fidget and can’t seem to keep still for long. The sensation is a bit like if you are out of breath from exercise but suddenly breathe as if you’re resting – it feels like you are not getting enough oxygen. Ironically doing exercise helps because it restores a natural breathing rhythm. The main issue for me is others finding out about it, and that thought scares me and makes the situation much worse. Pathetic, as I am worrying about nothing in particular. I know it is in my mind as usually if I leave the place from where it begins, it is relieved. Now this in my eyes is either a genuine anxiety attack not linked to but triggered by alcohol or it is some form of withdrawal from when I drink or delirium tremens. Very hard to call which though – any thoughts or similar experience?
3) Recently on a couple of occasions I have had to cancel or delay lunches or informal social meetings with friends or family due to being too hung-over or waking up too late. That in itself seems wrong to me. Could it be that happens to all of us once in a while, or is it that I am losing control of my consumption? Again I am sometimes choosing not to drink at all the night prior to any important engagement – what does that tell you about me?
I am just after some sound advice and honest opinion. I am being honest and I hope you will be. I am most interested about my anxiety issues which tend to start 12-14 hours post when I stop drinking. It is quite a physical feeling even though I know it is in my mind.
__________________________________________________ ______________
I have decided to write up a short version of my circumstances in a bid to gather opinion and decide whether or not I have any problem with alcohol. The main reasons are my drinking has changed in style frequency and is starting to affect other areas of my life. However compared to some of my friends, I drink relatively little and respectfully.
I am a 27 year old male from London. I used to drink a few cans of beer on a weekend from age 15 upwards, but when my parents divorced at the age of 16 I started to binge drink at weekends. This would only be a Saturday night but I could get through a fair bit, usually 10 bottles of Alco pops and maybe then a little wine / beer. Never really used spirits. I would be able to wake in the morning without issue, maybe a small hangover, but never anything too bad. So, typical teenage drinking, on a weekend.
I left home at 19 after starting work, and this is when I started to drink the most. Shift work meant I started at funny times and I would tend to drink more because I could. But I started to stick to rules. For example, I would never drink by day but only in the evening at a set time scale. It was a way of unwinding to me and a chance to meditate. I am into spending time on my own and reflecting, so tucking away a couple of bottles of red wine listening to my music collection after an afternoon shift when I knew I could lie in the next morning was very therapeutic. I could do this 4 nights on the row sometimes. I wouldn't tend to drink before an early shift and never on nights. Hard to say how much I drank, but probably at least twice a week, sometimes more.
I started a different shift pattern in 2004 consisting of basically 5 days on 5 days off but longer days. (The 5 days on are basically a couple of days and a couple of nights). Now, when I first started these shifts, I was renting with my girlfriend (now wife) and life was getting good. I made a new rule which I have NEVER broken to this day, which was to NEVER drink the day before a day shift. I decided I could not face waking at 0500 with a hangover to face a 14 hour day. This worked, but, I entered my heaviest period of drinking. The 5 days off allowed me at least 4 nights of boozing which I did for a good 2-3 years. In addition I started a habit of drinking on the day to night shift as I could get home for 8pm, drink into the early hours and not have to be a work until the following evening. I am still on this shift pattern today, but I have lessened my drinking since around 2005/6 and am drinking less now than I ever before. It seems to be a slow decline in volume and here is probably why...
My dad died last year at 53 of oesophageal varices which some of you may know of. A very gruseome internal bleeding caused by years of alcohol abuse. His parents died of a similar thing but that was more alcoholic dementia, withdrawal and general long term heavy serious abuse. My dad and his parents drank day and night, every day, for nigh on 30 years for my dad and probably 50 years for my grandparents. So yes there are genes there, but, there are also vast difference between me and them. It was a way of life fore them which they could fit in around work (dad used to trade in the city so champagne lunches and the grandparents used to run a hotel). They abused spirits and drank by day, daily. I on the other hand am now drinking around 2 to 3 times a week on average, with strict rules, such as I only drink wine, only in the evening, never before work, rarely before a special occasion or during one if we are away etc. I am also extremely fit, I gym minimum 3 times a week and do a lot of long distance cycling. I am about as fit as I ever have been. That said, I have noticed a few things that make me uncomfortable and that forms the basis of my first post which I hope to add to when asked more questions about my circumstances.
For this part it is important you know about an aspect of my personality. I have always been a bit obsessive about certain things. I am not OCD or diagnosed OCD, but, pretty close to it in some ways. For example, I am a clean freak, always cleaning and making sure that my house and garden is immaculate. I can cope with dirt or messiness, but I don't feel comfortable around it. Another example is that I can never seem to do things in halves, e.g. I never eat 1, 2 or 3 biscuits, I scoff the whole pack. I do this because the pack is full, and it seems natural to me to finish it. I am obsessed with finances, so much so that I know exactly what money is in what account, what comes out when and my current account is always rounded to a multiple of 10, i.e. my balance would be £130, not £134.56. I do this to be organised. So you see, I have certain tics that are not out of control, but just the way I like them to be.
1) Now I have noticed with my drinking that I seem unable to have just 1 glass of wine. I am not saying I am physically in need of the second glass, but, I always buy 2 bottles of wine and intend to drink them both, which I always do. Sometimes I don't quite manage 2 and tip what’s left away (no idea why but always do). But there have been occasions where I finish the 2 bottles and then feel like I have "run out" of alcohol which is a bit concerning. By then I have had 2 bottles so I don't "need" more, but if I do finish them and I am not ready for bed I want more alcohol as it seems the natural thing to do. So, this could be that it is just my obsessive personality controlling how much I drink in terms of what is physically there. But could it be that I am literally unable to stop at 1 glass? But then I counteract that by not drinking for 2 or 3 nights - coming to the assumption that I then don't "need" the alcohol.
2) I am experiencing shortness of breath / anxiety attacks the day after I have drunk. This is like clockwork, and hits hardest in the evening. I had a small bout of anxiety between ages 6 and 8 that passed and nothing was diagnosed or pinpointed as a trigger so this characteristic is in my system. It has returned now though and after a coupe of years of me monitoring it there is a definite link to alcohol. i.e. It will NEVER EVER happen when I am under the influence, but it will 80% happen the day after when the alcohol is leaving my system. I have put myself into situations to learn all about this and know exactly how to control it. I can deal with it fine on my own but being in a confined space or with others makes it worse. I fidget and can’t seem to keep still for long. The sensation is a bit like if you are out of breath from exercise but suddenly breathe as if you’re resting – it feels like you are not getting enough oxygen. Ironically doing exercise helps because it restores a natural breathing rhythm. The main issue for me is others finding out about it, and that thought scares me and makes the situation much worse. Pathetic, as I am worrying about nothing in particular. I know it is in my mind as usually if I leave the place from where it begins, it is relieved. Now this in my eyes is either a genuine anxiety attack not linked to but triggered by alcohol or it is some form of withdrawal from when I drink or delirium tremens. Very hard to call which though – any thoughts or similar experience?
3) Recently on a couple of occasions I have had to cancel or delay lunches or informal social meetings with friends or family due to being too hung-over or waking up too late. That in itself seems wrong to me. Could it be that happens to all of us once in a while, or is it that I am losing control of my consumption? Again I am sometimes choosing not to drink at all the night prior to any important engagement – what does that tell you about me?
I am just after some sound advice and honest opinion. I am being honest and I hope you will be. I am most interested about my anxiety issues which tend to start 12-14 hours post when I stop drinking. It is quite a physical feeling even though I know it is in my mind.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
If you can't stop drinking once you start, to me, that's addiction. It's not just the physical addiction, but the mental obsession as well - thinking about drinking. Planning when to drink and when to not drink, is part of the mental obsession.
You will need to decide if you are an alcoholic or not. I hope you take a look around and read and learn.
You will need to decide if you are an alcoholic or not. I hope you take a look around and read and learn.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
You asked, so I'll answer with honesty. Absolutely YES I think you have a problem.. now what?
(by the examples you gave, and the mere seeking out and posting on a recovery board kinda tell me you already knew that part
)
Welcome..
At one point or another, I lived exactly the things you've described. Never again have I had to think of it or experience any of it, after quitting drinking. I haven't had a drink since 9/1, and it's been the best decision (albeit difficult) I have ever made.
I thought I suffered from anxiety too, but come to find out it was completely alcohol induced.. I haven't had much of it in almost a year now. I sleep like a baby, I make sound and thoughtful decisions, and no hangovers EVER!! kinda rocks.
Try it for a while, you might enjoy the way you feel!
(by the examples you gave, and the mere seeking out and posting on a recovery board kinda tell me you already knew that part
)Welcome..
At one point or another, I lived exactly the things you've described. Never again have I had to think of it or experience any of it, after quitting drinking. I haven't had a drink since 9/1, and it's been the best decision (albeit difficult) I have ever made.
I thought I suffered from anxiety too, but come to find out it was completely alcohol induced.. I haven't had much of it in almost a year now. I sleep like a baby, I make sound and thoughtful decisions, and no hangovers EVER!! kinda rocks.
Try it for a while, you might enjoy the way you feel!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Inquisitive1, it is best if one determines on their own if they have a drinking problem/are an alcoholic, her is a test that may help you decide Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You? Answer all of the questions as honestly as you can and see what you think?
I will say this normal drinkers do not question them selfs or others as to whether or not they have a drinking problem, I have heard it said many times "If you think you may have a drinking problem, YOU DO!.
I will say this normal drinkers do not question them selfs or others as to whether or not they have a drinking problem, I have heard it said many times "If you think you may have a drinking problem, YOU DO!.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
~repost~
If my Dad had died from esophageal varices brought on by drinking and I drank multiple bottles of wine because I could not seem to stop, I seriously doubt I would need anyone else to tell me there was a problem in my life needing to be addressed, but in any case, it sounds like you might be following in your Dad's footsteps and in those of others in your family and truthfully, it does not have to be that way. You're young enough to break the cycle, to redefine the family bloodline so to speak. I hope you decide to give it a shot. You might be surprised at how much better life can be without drinking. Welcome to SR, it's a great place and helped me a lot.
If my Dad had died from esophageal varices brought on by drinking and I drank multiple bottles of wine because I could not seem to stop, I seriously doubt I would need anyone else to tell me there was a problem in my life needing to be addressed, but in any case, it sounds like you might be following in your Dad's footsteps and in those of others in your family and truthfully, it does not have to be that way. You're young enough to break the cycle, to redefine the family bloodline so to speak. I hope you decide to give it a shot. You might be surprised at how much better life can be without drinking. Welcome to SR, it's a great place and helped me a lot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 34
Thanks for the replies... I scored Yes 7 and No 5 on the test...
One of the questions asked whether or not you hide drinks or try to get more at a party - thats something I do a lot, whenever last orders is at the bar I often buy in bulk and hide them as there is no more alcohol available then. Not great thinking about it. Maybe I am just looking for excuses.
One of the questions asked whether or not you hide drinks or try to get more at a party - thats something I do a lot, whenever last orders is at the bar I often buy in bulk and hide them as there is no more alcohol available then. Not great thinking about it. Maybe I am just looking for excuses.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by getr345 
~repost~
If my Dad had died from esophageal varices brought on by drinking and I drank multiple bottles of wine because I could not seem to stop, I seriously doubt I would need anyone else to tell me there was a problem in my life needing to be addressed, but in any case, it sounds like you might be following in your Dad's footsteps and in those of others in your family and truthfully, it does not have to be that way. You're young enough to break the cycle, to redefine the family bloodline so to speak. I hope you decide to give it a shot. You might be surprised at how much better life can be without drinking. Welcome to SR, it's a great place and helped me a lot.
If my Dad had died from esophageal varices brought on by drinking and I drank multiple bottles of wine because I could not seem to stop, I seriously doubt I would need anyone else to tell me there was a problem in my life needing to be addressed, but in any case, it sounds like you might be following in your Dad's footsteps and in those of others in your family and truthfully, it does not have to be that way. You're young enough to break the cycle, to redefine the family bloodline so to speak. I hope you decide to give it a shot. You might be surprised at how much better life can be without drinking. Welcome to SR, it's a great place and helped me a lot.
I think thats what I am most worried about.
I dont want to follow in his footsteps, but I am trying to decide how alike and how different we lived our lives. He always appeared healthy and when he had his forst varices attack (he survived 3) it was a complete shock. Whilst I am not saying I have or have not got an issue, I do think it fair to say he drank a heel of a lot more than me, and abused it more. I am quite sensitive / intuitive / willing and ready to resolve and make things happen, so not only do I try and monitor myself and ask questions (such as joining this site) but also he was drinking alone day and night in the stereotypical format of what people think an alcoholic is.
FWIW, I am a cop and my wife a nurse. I see some terrible drinking scenario's and lifes daily. I am quite hard on myself aswell. I think the link to my concerns are understanding what the breathing issues are all about and whether they are linked to my drinking.
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Alright mate, Fellow Englishman here. I am a 23 year old male, so similar age to yourself.
Man, by the way that you have written such an exact, lenghty 'description' of all the things that are bothering you suggests that you are clearly spending a hell of a lot of your time thinking about this 'issue'. I would go so far to say that it's always on your mind.
I know it was/is like that for me
I know the Anxiety/panic symptoms all too well. I used to get them like you say after particularly heavy binges and I used to lie awake "riding them out" untill they would pass.
I best used to describe them to people like you become aware of the act of breathing. Breathing is usually a subconscious act in which no thought is required. However, during the periods shortly after a heavy binge, I would suddenly become aware of my breathing, heart-beat and start to feel it going out of sync. I would then get rushes of anxiety/panic as I tried to control my breathing. Horrible feeling and something I had never experinced before untill suddenly after a real heavy binge a couple of years ago, scared the crap out of me and it was one of the worst 6 hours of my life, needless to say I have had this experience many,many times again, not everytime I have a drinking binge but if it's a particularly heavy one over a few days then anxiety would follow, this would increase in intensity when I added coke, e's to the mix which would be most binges for me over the last 2.5 years TBH, but sometimes just heavy drinking binges.
Basically this time last week I was lying on a "friends?" flat after a massive binge over 3 days and this anxiety was there knocking at the door, I had to "work" really, really hard to not allow it to mutate into full-blown panic attacks, in which it nearly did on a few occassions when I was in Sainsburys around security guards, people, enclosed spaces etcetc..
I don't know if you have found, but I guarantee you that THE best "cure" for these feeling is a quick Beer (I find Super-strenght lager - u know the ones 'tramp juice') to nip these feelings in the bud. someone introduced me to this and so the continuous 2-3 day drinking binges began. There is NO going back once you start this.
I did not give in to this 'Cure' however and I am 1 week sober today and Absolutely determined and committed that I want permanent sobriety as I can't cope/carry on with heavy drinking binges anymore.
I have fought with my feelings regarding drinking/bingeing for the last couple of years now and, like most people on here will tell you, it only gets worse. The same goes for the negative symptoms that you talk about.
Once you start getting these negative feelings during hangover the game is over, it's all downhill from there. 95% drinker NEVER experience any of these symptoms and I believe it is only other alcoholics that understand/empathise with the feelings you describe, as they themselves have been there. I NEVER used to get any of these feelings when I was just another one of the millions of 'Binge-drinkers' in Britain, however I crossed that invisible line into alcoholism and there is absolutely no-way back.
You will do what is right for you and only when you are truly ready to commit/get your head around permanent sobriety will you attempt it. It has taken me a good couple of years now.
I like you can go weeks without a drink but when I have 1 drink I want to get Obliterated, always have - always will, I know it will just be so much easier if I just keep away from that first drink as I have way too much to lose and I need to grasp this chance at changing my life around while I still can.
Peace and all the best.
Man, by the way that you have written such an exact, lenghty 'description' of all the things that are bothering you suggests that you are clearly spending a hell of a lot of your time thinking about this 'issue'. I would go so far to say that it's always on your mind.
I know it was/is like that for me
I know the Anxiety/panic symptoms all too well. I used to get them like you say after particularly heavy binges and I used to lie awake "riding them out" untill they would pass.
I best used to describe them to people like you become aware of the act of breathing. Breathing is usually a subconscious act in which no thought is required. However, during the periods shortly after a heavy binge, I would suddenly become aware of my breathing, heart-beat and start to feel it going out of sync. I would then get rushes of anxiety/panic as I tried to control my breathing. Horrible feeling and something I had never experinced before untill suddenly after a real heavy binge a couple of years ago, scared the crap out of me and it was one of the worst 6 hours of my life, needless to say I have had this experience many,many times again, not everytime I have a drinking binge but if it's a particularly heavy one over a few days then anxiety would follow, this would increase in intensity when I added coke, e's to the mix which would be most binges for me over the last 2.5 years TBH, but sometimes just heavy drinking binges.
Basically this time last week I was lying on a "friends?" flat after a massive binge over 3 days and this anxiety was there knocking at the door, I had to "work" really, really hard to not allow it to mutate into full-blown panic attacks, in which it nearly did on a few occassions when I was in Sainsburys around security guards, people, enclosed spaces etcetc..
I don't know if you have found, but I guarantee you that THE best "cure" for these feeling is a quick Beer (I find Super-strenght lager - u know the ones 'tramp juice') to nip these feelings in the bud. someone introduced me to this and so the continuous 2-3 day drinking binges began. There is NO going back once you start this.
I did not give in to this 'Cure' however and I am 1 week sober today and Absolutely determined and committed that I want permanent sobriety as I can't cope/carry on with heavy drinking binges anymore.
I have fought with my feelings regarding drinking/bingeing for the last couple of years now and, like most people on here will tell you, it only gets worse. The same goes for the negative symptoms that you talk about.
Once you start getting these negative feelings during hangover the game is over, it's all downhill from there. 95% drinker NEVER experience any of these symptoms and I believe it is only other alcoholics that understand/empathise with the feelings you describe, as they themselves have been there. I NEVER used to get any of these feelings when I was just another one of the millions of 'Binge-drinkers' in Britain, however I crossed that invisible line into alcoholism and there is absolutely no-way back.
You will do what is right for you and only when you are truly ready to commit/get your head around permanent sobriety will you attempt it. It has taken me a good couple of years now.
I like you can go weeks without a drink but when I have 1 drink I want to get Obliterated, always have - always will, I know it will just be so much easier if I just keep away from that first drink as I have way too much to lose and I need to grasp this chance at changing my life around while I still can.
Peace and all the best.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Dear inquisitive1, it does'nt matter how much really, for alcoholism is a
progressive disease...another thing about an alcoholic (myself) is that denial is
a very strong part of the disease.. In other words, we are usually the last ones to know, or should I say admitt it..
Untill we do the vicious cycle repeats over and over..
Lies to our selves and others...plus a whole lot more than we can realize with our alcoholic thinking,,
Whatever you find, I hope peace and health is a part of it..
Hope3
progressive disease...another thing about an alcoholic (myself) is that denial is
a very strong part of the disease.. In other words, we are usually the last ones to know, or should I say admitt it..
Untill we do the vicious cycle repeats over and over..
Lies to our selves and others...plus a whole lot more than we can realize with our alcoholic thinking,,
Whatever you find, I hope peace and health is a part of it..
Hope3
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I agree that if you think you may have a problem, you probably do. Don't wait for it to get worse, cause it will get worse. Stop drinking now and you can avoid some of the terrible consequences: illness, accidents, and all the negative results of drinking.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 34
Interesting reply there thanks.
So these negative feelings as you call them... I would say that it is not that I feel bad / depressed / negative or upset about anything in particular. In fact I can often be in a very good mood, but, for no reason my central nervous system goes into a sort of overload whereby I am sitting on the couch being quite still, and I can involuntarily scratch move my hand, fidgit and even wobble my head with light headedness trying to fight the notion that I am not breathing enough air in...
I must admit that on one occasion I downed a small glass of red wine which alleviated the symptoms, I dont know if this was because in my head I thought the wine would do the trick or whether it was actually a chemical balance re-aligning within.
Either way I am going to quit for a period, and moniter myself.
So these negative feelings as you call them... I would say that it is not that I feel bad / depressed / negative or upset about anything in particular. In fact I can often be in a very good mood, but, for no reason my central nervous system goes into a sort of overload whereby I am sitting on the couch being quite still, and I can involuntarily scratch move my hand, fidgit and even wobble my head with light headedness trying to fight the notion that I am not breathing enough air in...
I must admit that on one occasion I downed a small glass of red wine which alleviated the symptoms, I dont know if this was because in my head I thought the wine would do the trick or whether it was actually a chemical balance re-aligning within.
Either way I am going to quit for a period, and moniter myself.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Originally Posted by Inquisitive1
I must admit that on one occasion I downed a small glass of red wine which alleviated the symptoms, I dont know if this was because in my head I thought the wine would do the trick or whether it was actually a chemical balance re-aligning within.
Either way I am going to quit for a period, and moniter myself.
Either way I am going to quit for a period, and moniter myself.
Start drinking more as tolerance builds thus more negative effects, need to drink more to relieve negative effects and eventually you are drinking 24/7 and have lost everything. Progressive.
These ticks you describe (or however you want to dress them up) sound like very mild withdrawal to me mate, I get them after a heavy binge eg - urge to kick leg out, scratch face. involuntary movements etcetcetc
If you are an alcoholic you will find it impossible to return to 'controlled' drinking and your drinking and the negative consequences caused by the drinking will get worse.
You will likely find that the first thing that pops into your mind when more negative consequences arrise as a result of your drinking is "I need a drink!"
However, you may not be an alcoholic and may just enjoy a drink as part of your lifestyle. if that's the case then fairplay to you and all the best.
All I know is that any anxiety/panic attack type feelings I have ever had in my life are caused as a direct result of excessive drinking/bingeing. You may be different and it may not be the drinking causing this for you and thus you may need to seek medical attention regarding it.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Originally Posted by getr345
Thanks, getr!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 34
Thanks for all replies.
Right I have had some time to really think about this now as I have been off work this week. My last drinking session was Sunday. I felt crap Monday but got through the day. Just hungover, with the usual slight breathing discomfort in the evening. No irrational feelings, I never get those, just slight twitching and breathing discomfort as if I have not got enough oxygen - it's slight hyper ventilation.
Anyway I have not had a drink or fag since (this is a normal time scale and pattern for me) so today I am absolutely fine, and I know now that I won't have any attacks. I have had the chance to assess myself logically with a clear mind.
I don't want alcohol, I don't crave it, in fact I would rather not drink it. That is how I feel when it is out of my system. However after a long week in the sun the notion of relaxing in the sun with a couple of glasses of wine - but this turns into a couple of bottles and I get wasted. Cant seem to stop as i dont WANT to stop.
So I think my need is to learn to moderate. My problem is when I drink I drink to excess. I dont feel I have to drink. But then I feel so good after a few days not drinking, it makes me confident to have a drink.
Right I have had some time to really think about this now as I have been off work this week. My last drinking session was Sunday. I felt crap Monday but got through the day. Just hungover, with the usual slight breathing discomfort in the evening. No irrational feelings, I never get those, just slight twitching and breathing discomfort as if I have not got enough oxygen - it's slight hyper ventilation.
Anyway I have not had a drink or fag since (this is a normal time scale and pattern for me) so today I am absolutely fine, and I know now that I won't have any attacks. I have had the chance to assess myself logically with a clear mind.
I don't want alcohol, I don't crave it, in fact I would rather not drink it. That is how I feel when it is out of my system. However after a long week in the sun the notion of relaxing in the sun with a couple of glasses of wine - but this turns into a couple of bottles and I get wasted. Cant seem to stop as i dont WANT to stop.
So I think my need is to learn to moderate. My problem is when I drink I drink to excess. I dont feel I have to drink. But then I feel so good after a few days not drinking, it makes me confident to have a drink.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Originally Posted by Inquisitive1
So I think my need is to learn to moderate. My problem is when I drink I drink to excess. I dont feel I have to drink. But then I feel so good after a few days not drinking, it makes me confident to have a drink.
Like I said before, If you are an 'alcoholic' you will find moderation is not possible as how after those 2 glasses of wine and feeling soooo good are you gonna force yourself to abruptly stop that?
I never could and so I am done fighting it, it is easier for me to set my mind to 'Not' taking that first drink, as if I am being 'truly' honest with myself, I ain't gonna wan't to stop after 1 drink and after that 3rd pint there ain't no-way on this earth I am gonna stop that feeling. It just don't work with me.
My advice to you is to give the moderating a try, it may work for you. If you are anything like me then there ain't no way your gonna be able to stop after those two icy-chilled-delicious glasses of wine. why would you?
Also, am I right in thinking that you are drinking to passout alone? This is something that I also do alot which is unlike anyone I know and indicates that alcohol is gonna be something that is knocking around and having more effect on your psyche than you likely appreciate.
Peace and all the best at moderating.
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