Faerie -
This thread breaks my heart. I am new to this board, but even with all that you are going through, you still were kind enough to post words of encouragement to me. There are indeed good men out there, and it it terrible that these men have done to you. But one thing to remember - rape is all about power and control. These men who have done this to you have felt inadequate in some way about themselves and regretfully took it out on you. As others have said, you did absolutely nothing wrong - and the legal system that blames the victim (which also seems to be the case here in the US) is antiquated. I know we are 1/2 a world away, but if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. And it is my sincere hope that one day you will find a man who is worthy of your trust - as you now know "J" was not that man.
Jim