I usually don't go against professional advice but I'm not fussed on the positive manipulation idea myself - I'd just stick with the 3 month no contact rule, and then break it off.
It might be for J's good, but I'm not sure its to your good - if you make yourself the motivation and leave the idea of a reconcilliation open J might see that as a 'contract', and that's just not on IMO. Encourage him to do these things for sure - but for his own good - don't do any 'deals' - pretend or otherwise.
Also go with your original idea of having someone else at home with you when you talk with J, Faerie.
wish you well
D