Hi Ant, Welcome to SR.
Originally Posted by
ant83 
...I always keep things bottled up, i find it hard to talk to people about how i feel. i cant even tell my family or my closest friends i just disguise the problem.
I felt just the same, Ant. I couldn't talk to anyone about my addiction to alcohol for years and years. I couldn't talk to anyone about how I felt about anything really. I pretended everything was great. So, I drowned it all, until I couldn't anymore. Then I came here to SR and started reading and posted a couple of times, still deep in my delusion. Little by little I've been able to open up here, and to a few people IRL -still working on it. So start with us, Ant.
This may sounds stupid, but even if i did sort my addictions out i have nothing at the other end....there is nothing i have in my life that makes me want to change what i do, its sad but how can i be helped when most of the time i dont want to?
I can't make any promises, but, you may find after getting sober and getting into recovery that there are things you've been overlooking - or new things - that are worth being 'awake' for, that can make you feel good and happy. Could be worth a try?
Glad you found SR, stick around.