Hi Ant. there is no shame in seeking help. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I hope you stay, browse and find what your looking for. There is a way out. I was once chained by the bottle and it took a lot from me, especially my piece of mind. But there is a solution and none of us need live in fear. I found AA. that was my experience, many years ago, and I live a happy contented life today.