Jackie,
You are living my life and since I am a bit older (I think) let me share what I have learned.
Addiction and alcoholism is a family disease. In my case as in yours it began long before we were born. There was a point in my recovery when I looked at my life and it felt like I had never had any say in how it ended up. Like everything had been predestined or I had merely been reacting my way though when all along I believed I had been making choices. Boy was I pissed!!
Your family suffers from a Family Disease. No one comes out unaffected. When my mother divorced my alcoholic father that is when I, like you, hit the streets. I guess I was not meant to be an addict because dispite my best effort I am not...but all the same behaviors you went through, I did too.
In my case I ended up growing up, marrying and recreating that scenerio in my own home. The tension, the battles, the drinking and the fighting have now moved on to another generation in my own son.
When I came out of denial and saw that, I was beyond rage! But now I can see it for what it is...a family disease. Your own recovery is your best defense. Your father is probably not going to change but perhaps you could share what you have learned with your mother. Maybe she could use a little of the peace you are reaching for.
All the best,
JT