Originally Posted by rider

Hi everyone,

It is only day five for me, and this is the worst time of night for me.. it's a half hour after the start of my usual "drinking hour" (or two hours). I am home alone and I am very anxious. Don't have a car at the moment as my daughter is using it.

I'd like to call my ex-BF (who doesn't want to talk to me cuz of crossing his boundaries, i.e. showing up at his house uninvited, somewhat drunk, and very emotional on two occasions) even though I KNOW he doesn't want to talk to me or else he'd call ME. Duh.

Right now I would love nothing more than to walk to the store and buy a bottle of wine (or tequila, or vodka, or anything) and get a buzz. Of course then I would definitely call him or end up on his doorstep. I just want to cry....it weighs so heavy on me that he won't forgive me for my transgressions. Of course, he has no idea that I am an alcoholic. Not a great excuse, but I don't think he realizes that I do/say things when I am drinking that I would never do or say when sober. I want to explain that to him, but somehow I think it will fall on deaf ears and I'll be even more hurt than I am now.

Help and advice would be appreciated.