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Handling a Rough Evening

Old 07-20-2009, 04:33 PM
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Handling a Rough Evening

Hi everyone,

It is only day five for me, and this is the worst time of night for me.. it's a half hour after the start of my usual "drinking hour" (or two hours). I am home alone and I am very anxious. Don't have a car at the moment as my daughter is using it.

I'd like to call my ex-BF (who doesn't want to talk to me cuz of crossing his boundaries, i.e. showing up at his house uninvited, somewhat drunk, and very emotional on two occasions) even though I KNOW he doesn't want to talk to me or else he'd call ME. Duh.

Right now I would love nothing more than to walk to the store and buy a bottle of wine (or tequila, or vodka, or anything) and get a buzz. Of course then I would definitely call him or end up on his doorstep. I just want to cry....it weighs so heavy on me that he won't forgive me for my transgressions. Of course, he has no idea that I am an alcoholic. Not a great excuse, but I don't think he realizes that I do/say things when I am drinking that I would never do or say when sober. I want to explain that to him, but somehow I think it will fall on deaf ears and I'll be even more hurt than I am now.

Help and advice would be appreciated.
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Old 07-20-2009, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by rider View Post
Hi everyone,

It is only day five for me, and this is the worst time of night for me.. it's a half hour after the start of my usual "drinking hour" (or two hours). I am home alone and I am very anxious. Don't have a car at the moment as my daughter is using it.

I'd like to call my ex-BF (who doesn't want to talk to me cuz of crossing his boundaries, i.e. showing up at his house uninvited, somewhat drunk, and very emotional on two occasions) even though I KNOW he doesn't want to talk to me or else he'd call ME. Duh.

Right now I would love nothing more than to walk to the store and buy a bottle of wine (or tequila, or vodka, or anything) and get a buzz. Of course then I would definitely call him or end up on his doorstep. I just want to cry....it weighs so heavy on me that he won't forgive me for my transgressions. Of course, he has no idea that I am an alcoholic. Not a great excuse, but I don't think he realizes that I do/say things when I am drinking that I would never do or say when sober. I want to explain that to him, but somehow I think it will fall on deaf ears and I'll be even more hurt than I am now.

Help and advice would be appreciated.
Hi Rider,

If you don't feel like going out or don't have anyone to talk to right now or visit, (if you're even in the mood for that) just stay on here. Read and keep posting. It will get you through the night. It's gotten me through many rough nights when I wanted a drink

Or........ you could always do some shopping online, treat yourself to something nice, take a hot bath, eat something yummy. If you feel like venting, this is a great place for ya.
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Old 07-20-2009, 04:46 PM
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thanks sweets... i'll hang here... my emotions are right under the surface of my skin right now. just trying to focus on my recovery and not something I did that I can't take back, I can only apologize. Again and again and again.
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Old 07-20-2009, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by rider View Post
thanks sweets... i'll hang here... my emotions are right under the surface of my skin right now. just trying to focus on my recovery and not something I did that I can't take back, I can only apologize. Again and again and again.
One sincere apology is enough. You can't tattoo it on your forehead. Well, you could, but that would be weird, lol

Yes, focusing on your recovery comes first and foremost. Don't let your mind wander, that can be the worst thing.

Stay focused!
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Old 07-20-2009, 04:54 PM
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Apologize sure.. but actions speak much louder than words, as cliche' as it seems.. Live the life you'd be proud of. Regardless of whether it's him, or someone else you give your heart to down the road, actually living with good intention and honesty is going to make for such a better partnership.
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Old 07-20-2009, 05:01 PM
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Rider

Apologise if you feel you need to - but make sure you're apologising for more than your own benefit.

An apology at a lousy time is an lousy apology. If it's likely to fall on deaf ears, or make things worse for either one of you, I'd be inclined to wait.

I found I couldn't make people forgive me. Its a process both parties have to go through, and more than that, it's a process where I have absolutely no control over the timetable.

All any of us can do is show by our actions that we're sorry and we're committed to not making the same mistakes again.

D
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Old 07-20-2009, 05:18 PM
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Lots of good advice here, Rider.

And, it's hard for others to understand addiction, so your best bet is to show people with your actions, that you are changing.
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:04 PM
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all of you are so right. this truly IS a good place to hang.

sweets, i just GOT a tattoo above my bikini line, that HURT, think i'll forego the one on the forehead!

smacked, dee, anna... i know all you say is true. i just have to put one foot in front of the other and let my actions speak aloud.

thanks guys. i do appreciate it. y'all got me through this rough spot tonight.
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Old 07-20-2009, 06:09 PM
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I'd like to suggest you spend some time with AA people so you're not alone with your thoughts.

They love to give out phone numbers.
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Old 07-20-2009, 08:03 PM
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my daughter came home and we hung out and talked. she is my biggest support. she knows everything about me and she still loves me

she is 18 and does not (nor does she have any desire to) drink or do any kind of drug. i love her so much.
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:09 PM
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Hi Rider

That ex boyfriend of yours will be blown away when he sees the new, confident, more attractive, awesome new you!! He will be falling at your feet in a few short months... but by then, you might not want him anyway because you will be so madly in love with yourself

Thats my prediction for you if you stay on the sober road.
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Old 07-21-2009, 08:09 PM
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shelly, that was so darn nice of you to say! and gee, i hope you are right.
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Old 07-21-2009, 08:18 PM
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Originally Posted by rider View Post
Hi everyone,

It is only day five for me, and this is the worst time of night for me.. it's a half hour after the start of my usual "drinking hour" (or two hours). I am home alone and I am very anxious. Don't have a car at the moment as my daughter is using it.

I'd like to call my ex-BF (who doesn't want to talk to me cuz of crossing his boundaries, i.e. showing up at his house uninvited, somewhat drunk, and very emotional on two occasions) even though I KNOW he doesn't want to talk to me or else he'd call ME. Duh.

Right now I would love nothing more than to walk to the store and buy a bottle of wine (or tequila, or vodka, or anything) and get a buzz. Of course then I would definitely call him or end up on his doorstep. I just want to cry....it weighs so heavy on me that he won't forgive me for my transgressions. Of course, he has no idea that I am an alcoholic. Not a great excuse, but I don't think he realizes that I do/say things when I am drinking that I would never do or say when sober. I want to explain that to him, but somehow I think it will fall on deaf ears and I'll be even more hurt than I am now.

Help and advice would be appreciated.
Just keep chatting and reading on here. The info and the people here are great support =)
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Old 07-21-2009, 08:32 PM
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yep Blood, this is a good place. works for me.
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Old 07-22-2009, 07:55 AM
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Hope your evening went well!
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Old 07-22-2009, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by coffeenut View Post
Hope your evening went well!

agreed
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