Upset, is this a part of controlling?
Ok, so this may be a little off topic, but then again it really isn't. I got into a confrontation with my son (23) who has been living with me (not just him, but him, his wife and two kids) for 2 months after neglecting to pay his rent (yeah, he got evicted..shameful) He drinks several times a week (and so does she), but isn't an ass about it. I had a family emergency (my middle son was in the hospital)and wasn't home for 3 days, I had called home and reminded him and his wife to just make sure the dishes/kitchen were clean. This has been an issue since they moved in, as they don't want to do jack.. I arrived home, exhausted, under a great deal of stress, and not wanting to face a mess. Nothing was done. My son greeted me with , hi Mom, how are you doing, why do you look so upset.. which was nice of him. I responded kindly. I then said that I needed them to move out by the first of the month. He blew up at me, actually calling me names (yeah, my son, my first born son... ) He said, the people who love you the most and you want to make us do YOUR housework. I said hold it kid, I didn't even EAT here for 3 days and it looks like a cyclone hit my house. (not only the kitchen, but the entire house, drawings on my pine tongue and groove walls.. cookies ground in my living room rug.. chunks taken out of my Louie the 5th China cabinet....on and on) Needless to say it went from bad to worse.
My question is. Am I being a control freak? I mean, the only thing I KNOW I can control is my surroundings and I like to live in a home that is CLEAN (I don't mean, so clean it looks like I have OCD), that people are RESPECTFUL, and that it is PEACEFUL. I was cleaning up (their mess) just a little while ago and said to myself... all this arguing for a dirty house, what if something bad happens to him or one of the kids and I was so ignorant because I insisted that my house be kept in order (CLEAN!)
I feel, initially, that I was keeping boundaries. This is my home, you can stay here but you need to RESPECT my home and keep it clean (not what I mess, but what their family does in the way of making the mess) They also fight non stop, one day I came home and there was food up and down my walls that I took a month to clean (spring cleaning) and again I blew up about respecting my space.
Am I wrong? I feel so guilty.. but on the other hand I feel that it isn't much to ask, especially when I pay ALL the bills (they help with food). I told them I struggled a year to keep my house and be able to pay the bills on my own and have a peaceful existence, and my son said that I lost my family because I want a clean home, that I am never going to have anyone near me because I have to have things my way.
Please.. some input here..