naive

hello kt in bc-

you've received some excellant advice here. based on what your describe, if your AH chooses to come off the drink, it would be best if he did so under medical supervision.

i have two friends, who drank heavily together. it was bottle after bottle of straight vodka in the little hellhole they called home. sometimes, i would go in to see how they were doing. billy, after a while, couldn't walk anymore. his legs just kinda stopped working. nonetheless, him and andrew soldiered on in their drinking. once i went in, and billy asked if i would help him to the toilet. i said i'm a woman, and asked andrew to do it. andrew couldn't be bothered and i was too shy. billy just sat and peed himself in the chair. i was shocked! i got over my shyness, stripped his clothes off and put some new ones on him. and on and on it went.

one day, andrew and billy were drinking and andrew went into an epileptic fit and passed out. only the two of them were there. billy, of course, couldn't walk anymore, so he crawled out of the house and dragged his body down the sidewalk, looking for help. the ambulance was alerted and andrew lived as a result.

two weeks later, billy was alone in the house, fell down, hit his head and died. i asked andrew, "is that enough now? will you seek help?"

andrew is still drinking.

i hope your husband has hit his bottom and gets some help. i tell this story because he might not. if not, what are you going to do for yourself? if he's not ready to quit, it doesn't matter what happens or what you say.

what about you? what about your life? there is help available for you.

my situation with my xABF (andew's brother) was not very different than yours. after posting here for some time, i walked from the relationship and decided to get help for myself. i too had started drinking with mine, not a lot but regularly because i wanted to be part of his life.

when i left him, i sought out alanon, which unfortunately wasn't available in my tiny town. however, there was an AA meeting, so i decided to go there, as at least the people there understood the effects of alcohol and were sober and working on recovery.

when i arrived at the AA meeting, i didn't know what i was going to say, as i really didn't want to put my troubles on the table, as i felt it was inappropriate as i was not an alcoholic.

as everyone went around the table, talking about their drinking, i surprised myself and put my drinking on the table also. everyone there had months, years of sobriety and to my surprise, i had only one day!

more surprises ensued. i didn't mention xABF at all. i only discussed my own drinking. they said i didn't have to be an alcoholic, the only requirement was that i wanted to stop drinking.

after the whirlwind train crash of living with an alcoholic, i decided there and then that i didn't want to drink anymore. i wanted to be totally sober and heal. i wanted to enter my own co-dependency recovery cold stone sober.

the meetings here are only once a week. after i left, i found myself setting my sights on the next meeting. i would not take a drink until then.

the next week, i was delighted to attend again and give my report. what a good week i had had, working towards something for myself! again, i didn't even mention xABF, i kept the focus on my own experience, how sick i was of the effects of alcohol in my life and how light i felt now that i had chosen to be sober.

more surprises. the next week i walked in, and xABF was there too, with a week of sobriety under his belt. when his turn came, he told them he wanted to stop drinking. they asked if he was there to support me and he said, no, he was there for himself to deal with his own drinking.

tonight is the next meeting. we're going together. it makes me want to cry or laugh out loud, it's all so unexpected.

i turn it all over to god and i'm ready for whatever happens, because i never expected any of this to happen. i just knew i needed to reach out and this was all that was available.

kt, i tell you my story in hopes that you will begin your own journey of recovery.

naive