AH withdrawal symptoms (long)

Old 07-14-2009, 10:57 AM
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AH withdrawal symptoms (long)

Assuming that AH means Alcoholic Husband, right? I’ve been reading posts here for the past couple days, and can’t believe that I haven’t thought about looking for this type of forum before. Exactly what I need right now.
My AH is in a bad way, and has been for the past several months. He is experiencing severe anxiety and thinks he is going to die. He has finally come to the conclusion that he has to quit drinking. And is seriously talking about it. We have been married for 13 years next month and have an 8 and a 3 year old. I knew he liked to drink when I met him, but the thought of him being an alcoholic didn’t enter my mind until we had our first child. We both liked to get really drunk almost every night (I never drank until I met him when I was 28). We would sit at home most of the time, just trying to drink as much as we could. I thought it was fun, for a while. But we started getting into some pretty good fights when we were both drunk. Not all the time, but it was the quality, not quantity. He hit me on 2 occasions, locked me out of the house once, threw me out into the cold rain in the middle of the night and locked the door, left me at Target while he was supposed to be waiting in the car but drove home instead and then lied to me that he thought I decided to walk the 5 miles home. Those were the major fights with just a few lesser incidents thrown in. I quit drinking when our first child was expected. He didn’t, but we didn’t get into any fights after that, except for some yelling and cussing once in a while. I started drinking again after about a year after my son was born, but very light drinking. He kept heavy (12 pack a day). We used to share a 12 pack before my son, but after he took up the slack of what I wasn’t drinking. I think he just wanted to finish what was in the house before he went to bed. This was during the week when he would work until 6pm. On the weekends he could down a case by himself. I nagged him about his drinking. Especially about how proud he was that he trained our son to get him beer from the fridge. He didn’t like my nagging, and wouldn’t stop drinking. Sometimes he would tell me how proud he was that he slowed down to a six pack on week nights for a couple of days, and I would encourage him. But it would never last, and he would binge after a couple days in celebration. I quit drinking again when we were expecting our daughter, he didn’t. He quit his job and we sold our house, so we had some money to keep us going without him working. He would go thru a case in 2 days. During this time he was working on building our dream home while we lived in a RV trailer. We lived in a trailer for 1.5 years, the 4 of us and a large dog. It shouldn’t have been that long, but his drinking started at 11am after only a couple hours of work on the house. Finally the $$ ran out and he had to get a job. We bought another house in another city where he was finally able to find work. Things were going pretty good, until he got laid off 5 months ago.
I have learned to live with his drinking. He doesn’t get violent like he used to, and I still drink (a six pack a week). So I don’t nag him too much because I drink too. But I still nag.
About a year ago AH went to the doc because he was complaining of chest pains. For him to go to the doc means he’s in some serious pain. He says that he told the doc how much he drinks (and I believe he was being honest as he is not ashamed of his drinking at all). The doc ran all kinds of tests and xrays and told my AH that it’s all anxiety. And told him that it would be dangerous for him to quit drinking. Because he drinks so much, cold turkey would be dangerous (I thought the advice was BS, until I started reading about it here). So the doc told him to record how much he drinks in a week, and cut down one drink a week, which never happened. On the contrary, when he was laid off 5 months ago, he started drinking more. I felt that the doc’s advice fed right into AH’s addiction. It made it okay to not quit drinking and AH felt justified.
About 1.5 years ago after a night of AH binge drinking, he woke up coughing blood. A lot of blood. This scared him, for a couple days. Since then he has not had a blood coughing episode, but he is complaining of: hot/cold spells, numb hands and feet, chest pain , racing heart, high blood pressure a few times a day, dizziness, and extreme anxiety. He’s been to the doc a few times in the past 6 months trying to get a different diagnosis. It’s always the same, anxiety. He has been prescribed psych drugs like xanax and some others. He doesn’t like the feeling he gets from them, so doesn’t take them. There is one he has been taking when he gets really bad, I don’t know what it is right now. He says that when he gets these anxious/dizzy/heart racing feelings, that a beer will help relieve them. He can’t sleep so he has started taking otc sleeping pills. These feelings started out at once a week, and for the past 2 weeks have been every day.
3 nights ago we talked seriously about what he thought was going on with him. He says he knows that he needs to quit drinking, not just cut down. He knows that it’s the alcohol that is messing him up. But he hasn’t put it together totally. He thinks they are withdrawl symptoms, but he hasn’t quit. He has, for the first time in his 30 year heavy drinking history, been experiencing bad hangovers. He has been slowing down his drinking for the past 2 months, but binging every few days. So he has a hard time realizing that his complaints are withdrawls when he hasn’t quit. Now he is reading up on his symptoms and how to solve them. He’s buying vitamins (magnesium and niacin) and trying to treat himself while claiming to cut down on his drinking.
I don’t think it will happen. Without help and maybe with help. I do have some hope because he is finally ashamed of his drinking, realizing it’s hurting him physically, and is so afraid of dying when he has an episode. I’m thinking that maybe he will turn himself around because he’s aware now, but it has been so engrained in him I don’t know if it’s possible.
Has anyone experience something similar to my story, or his? Has anyone had a good outcome from this point?
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Old 07-14-2009, 11:51 AM
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So did he stop drinking.. or is he still "thinking about it"?

I would say he needs to go to a doc (again) and be TOTALLY honest about his drinking, his w/d symptoms, and soon. Detoxing can be very dangerous if not done under medical supervision or with medical guidance. I have also heard doctors tell people to cut down, but this is impossible and horrendous for alcoholics. There are medications that can be taken for 2 or 3 days that can help with withdrawal dangers. All of this can be done in a detox setting, which usually lasts a few days. What is he willing and wanting to do? Cuz so far he's done exactly that.

There is nothing YOU can do here, besides take care of you, and decide if this is what you want to continue living with.. I can tell you this, he sure wont be living with it for very long if he keeps it up, from the sounds of it. It's a horrible way to go..
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Old 07-14-2009, 12:49 PM
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That all sounds like w/d symptoms to me. A really serious drinker can have w/d symptoms while they are drinking a glass of whiskey.

I agree with smacked, go to a Dr. - preferably an addictions specialist - and be completely honest about everything he is taking, even OTC pills. I do not believe anti anxiety drugs should be administered during detox but I am no Dr. He should get anti seizure and BP meds but again I am no Dr.

Good luck and keep posting, maybe even get him to post too? SR.com is a great place for support.
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Old 07-14-2009, 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by ktinbc View Post
Has anyone experience something similar to my story, or his? Has anyone had a good outcome from this point?
Me and yes. But it took some hired help in the form of direct (inpatient) medical supervision and a 6 month stretch in rehab to do it.
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Old 07-14-2009, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by ktinbc View Post
Has anyone experience something similar to my story, or his? Has anyone had a good outcome from this point?
There are several of us here that were actually a lot worse than what you described, including one person who actually died. The Dr was literally writing down the time and cause of death when her heart started working again.

There is always hope.
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Old 07-14-2009, 02:06 PM
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I recommend you Google "stages of alcoholism" and "symptoms of alcohol withdrawal". Reading just a link or two will help you recognize what has been and is going on with you and your husband.

My uncle was an alcoholic and dropped dead at 50 from his undiagnosed liver disease with no warning. My father is 72 and has been drinking since his early teen years, non-stop since 1989, and he is still alive (we don't know how). He's miserable with heart disease, lung disease, and liver failure but he's still alive.

Alcoholism is a progressive, incurable, fatal disease that can only be stopped by the alcoholic. It doesn't matter what any doctor says or does, or whether or not your husband's symptoms are a result of alcoholism, he needs to stop drinking (although I'm not saying he shouldn't go to the doctor, he should).

And don't fool yourself into thinking that you don't have a problem too. Just because you only drink a 6-pack a week does not mean you don't have an issue. I never thought I was an alcoholic either; none of us ever does. We call that Denial.

Try A.A. and Al-Anon.
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Old 07-14-2009, 02:25 PM
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After 30 years, probably every part of his body is suffering from damage due to alcohol abuse. It damages brain cells, the cardiovascular system, the digestive system, the nervous system, and muscles will atrophy. My AH also suffered from anemia, metal confusion, severe muscle pain and vision loss ... and eventually liver damage. Most of this damage occurred within a 2 year period after 30 years of drinking. When he developed pneumonia, I found out alcoholics also are prone this problem as well.

Make sure the doctors are checking your husband's levels of vitamin B. My AH starting losing his vision and went through 3 weeks of endless testing by a top neuro-ophthalmologist .... and he still could not find out the cause of my AH's vision problems even though he was aware there was a drinking problem. I finally grew very weary of not getting answers as my husband's vision declined ... and it only took me about 15 minutes on the internet to find out what his problem was. He was severely depleted on B vitamins (common in alcoholics) and it was causing nerve damage to his optic nerve. All it would have taken was a simple blood test checking his vitamin levels to discover his vision problem - but the highly trained specialist missed it. Nerve damage due to low vitamin B levels can cause numerous other problems to the body... including numbness. Most of the time, simply taking a good multivitamin with B supplements with help modify the potential nerve damage. My AH's vision began to improve with B supplements even though he was still drinking.

Stopping heavy alcohol use for 30 years is very difficult to accomplish. He should have a medically supervised detox - it could be very dangerous otherwise. One of the problems that occurs when long term alcoholics start feeling really ill, is that stopping can be much more challenging, they will feel even worse during withdrawal and they won't have alcohol to numb their pain and anxiety. If they are suffering from brain cell damage, their ability to face withdrawal will be compromised by not thinking logically or rationally ... and they will truly need outside help. Even though we were no longer living together when my AH became very ill and confused, I had to go to his doctor's appointments with him because he couldn't explain himself or grasp what his doctor was telling him ... or remember what he had been told. When being prescribed medicines, not understanding how to take them or mixing certain medications with alcohol can be dangerous.

It is a good sign that your AH has a desire to change ... but it sure sounds like he will need help, both medically and psychologically, to accomplish his goal to stop drinking. The only time my AH had any success stopping was by going to AA to give him the support he needed ... however, he had not gotten ill yet, so withdrawal was not yet an issue. When my AH was hospitalized with pneumonia, the doctors felt it was mandatory to put him through detox at the same time to avert a deadly withdrawal.

The good news is if your AH is truly committed to change and can stop drinking for good, many of these health problems can improve or be totally reversed in time. If drinking continues in a late stage alcoholic, the consequences can be deadly. My AH's life ended tragically due to a combination of severe liver disease and being confined without adequate medical care and supervision for withdrawal. I hope your AH takes the steps necessary to receive the medical and trained addiction assistance he needs to achieve lasting sobriety ... and regain his health and his future.
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Old 07-15-2009, 01:34 AM
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hello kt in bc-

you've received some excellant advice here. based on what your describe, if your AH chooses to come off the drink, it would be best if he did so under medical supervision.

i have two friends, who drank heavily together. it was bottle after bottle of straight vodka in the little hellhole they called home. sometimes, i would go in to see how they were doing. billy, after a while, couldn't walk anymore. his legs just kinda stopped working. nonetheless, him and andrew soldiered on in their drinking. once i went in, and billy asked if i would help him to the toilet. i said i'm a woman, and asked andrew to do it. andrew couldn't be bothered and i was too shy. billy just sat and peed himself in the chair. i was shocked! i got over my shyness, stripped his clothes off and put some new ones on him. and on and on it went.

one day, andrew and billy were drinking and andrew went into an epileptic fit and passed out. only the two of them were there. billy, of course, couldn't walk anymore, so he crawled out of the house and dragged his body down the sidewalk, looking for help. the ambulance was alerted and andrew lived as a result.

two weeks later, billy was alone in the house, fell down, hit his head and died. i asked andrew, "is that enough now? will you seek help?"

andrew is still drinking.

i hope your husband has hit his bottom and gets some help. i tell this story because he might not. if not, what are you going to do for yourself? if he's not ready to quit, it doesn't matter what happens or what you say.

what about you? what about your life? there is help available for you.

my situation with my xABF (andew's brother) was not very different than yours. after posting here for some time, i walked from the relationship and decided to get help for myself. i too had started drinking with mine, not a lot but regularly because i wanted to be part of his life.

when i left him, i sought out alanon, which unfortunately wasn't available in my tiny town. however, there was an AA meeting, so i decided to go there, as at least the people there understood the effects of alcohol and were sober and working on recovery.

when i arrived at the AA meeting, i didn't know what i was going to say, as i really didn't want to put my troubles on the table, as i felt it was inappropriate as i was not an alcoholic.

as everyone went around the table, talking about their drinking, i surprised myself and put my drinking on the table also. everyone there had months, years of sobriety and to my surprise, i had only one day!

more surprises ensued. i didn't mention xABF at all. i only discussed my own drinking. they said i didn't have to be an alcoholic, the only requirement was that i wanted to stop drinking.

after the whirlwind train crash of living with an alcoholic, i decided there and then that i didn't want to drink anymore. i wanted to be totally sober and heal. i wanted to enter my own co-dependency recovery cold stone sober.

the meetings here are only once a week. after i left, i found myself setting my sights on the next meeting. i would not take a drink until then.

the next week, i was delighted to attend again and give my report. what a good week i had had, working towards something for myself! again, i didn't even mention xABF, i kept the focus on my own experience, how sick i was of the effects of alcohol in my life and how light i felt now that i had chosen to be sober.

more surprises. the next week i walked in, and xABF was there too, with a week of sobriety under his belt. when his turn came, he told them he wanted to stop drinking. they asked if he was there to support me and he said, no, he was there for himself to deal with his own drinking.

tonight is the next meeting. we're going together. it makes me want to cry or laugh out loud, it's all so unexpected.

i turn it all over to god and i'm ready for whatever happens, because i never expected any of this to happen. i just knew i needed to reach out and this was all that was available.

kt, i tell you my story in hopes that you will begin your own journey of recovery.

naive

Last edited by naive; 07-15-2009 at 01:58 AM.
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Old 07-15-2009, 09:03 AM
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Naive, It's weird, I know, because I don't even know you but I am VERY proud of you!!!
Keep going back, it works if you work it.
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