I hope this does not upset you but you need to take your family and get out of that house. You need to have your life and let your monther have hers. If she falls on her face and looses the house..... Those are her choices. As long as she is drinking and sick, you will never get the love you so long for.
The other thing I worry about is that you will end up with a messed up marrage and your kids will be going through a lot of the same stuff you did and wondering why the hell you made them live there.
Sorry if that sounds harsh. I know how you feel. My mom and dad were alcoholics and it hurts a lot. My husband and I are also alcoholics but I am in recovory and boy does it hurt to be the sober one. All the stuff you mom is doing to you..... My mom did to me an now my husband has taken that place.
They are sick and wont get well unless they choose to. The only thing you are doing wrong is putting her before your family and your self. She needs to take her life back and you need to give it to her. Get your life back and be happy.
Hey one other thing. It sounds like you do the same as me by compartmentelizing your feelings. You have bad days that are real bad and good days that are real good but you cant seem to have a day where things are bad and good at the same time. It's how I learned to survive as a kid.
If you ever want to talk one on one, I am more than willing. I don't judge and I wont hate you. Your feelings are yours and you have a right to them.
Im here if you need me.
D